


How can I forgive?

by Paddy_2020



Series: The SEAL and the Medic. [1]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Army Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Bitterness, Buck was married, Getting Together, M/M, Original Character Death(s), U.S. Navy SEAL Evan "Buck" Buckley, VERY brief smut, Worried Firefam, sad buck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:34:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 18
Words: 32,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27898375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Paddy_2020/pseuds/Paddy_2020
Summary: Eddie and Buck do not meet for the first time in S2E1, instead they meet 4 years earlier in Afghanistan.Or, Commander Evan Buckley has been married to Lt. Commander Jamie Ryder for the last 5 years, that was until a fatal shootout in Afghanistan and a medical error on the part of a corporal Eddie Diaz. Can Buck forgive Eddie and move on, or will his bitterness and hatred carry over into their work?
Relationships: Athena Grant/Bobby Nash, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Original Male Character(s), Maddie Buckley/Howie "Chimney" Han
Series: The SEAL and the Medic. [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2042890
Comments: 70
Kudos: 230





	1. “Buck” Begins

Summer 2010  
Evan Buckley, aged 19 was in his full dress uniform, passing out from the US Naval base Coronado as an officer in the Navy Seals had been a dream for the last 6 years of his life, his family were not there, his sister Maddie had not even sent a response to her invite and Patricia and David Buckley deemed a career with the SEALs to be a waste of their son’s very clear academic talents. To be fair Evan had excelled at school earning offers from Brown and Harvard to study civil engineering (his back up plan if he didn’t pass his training). Evan Buckley really had only one goal in life - to be the best at what he did, that was why he wouldn’t entertain a career with any branch of the armed forces other than the SEALs.  
At 12 o’clock noon on the dot his training unit was called to attention, four officers and forty men, they were addressed by the rear admiral commanding the SEALs who told them of the prestige of the organisation they would be entering and how despite their young age they could walk into any group of soldiers and immediately command the respect they deserved as members of the most elite fighting force in the world. Evan Buckley’s dream was finally here, his unit was marching away from the parade ground as proud SEALs. This should have been the happiest moment of his life, he had imagined for so long what this would feel like and indeed he was proud of how far he had come, however, he was also worried. Evan Buckley unlike the rest of his training unit was not nervous about his upcoming tour, no Evan Buckley was nervous because he had a secret that could ruin his whole career. Evan Buckley was gay, or bi, or he didn’t really know because he had been scared to look it up in case it showed on his search history. 

12 hours previously  
Buck stole out of his room, creeping two doors down the hallway and knocking on the door of his boyfriend, Jamie. Another officer cadet, Jamie had been the focus of Buck’s thoughts since arriving at Coronado, every time buck saw the tall brunette, his mind was solely occupied with all of the unspeakable things he wanted to do - that was until six months ago when after enough stolen glances and exasperated comments from close friends, the two men had realised that maybe they had something else in common other than a love for football, swimming and an annoying proficiency at foreign languages. Ever since that day six months ago Evan’s mind had been filled with all of the places he wanted to bite and lick on his lover’s perfect (in Buck’s personal opinion) body. So on the night before their graduation, Evan stole off to his boyfriend’s room, using the special knock they had devised, three rapid knocks followed by another knock followed by a cough (their escapades could destroy both their careers so they were careful, sue them) he was quickly granted entry by the other man and both of them got down to celebrating in their usual way, lips crashing together and bodies wildly thrashing for about an hour before they were both boneless in each other’s arms, fully sated. Buck set his alarm for four the next morning, lying cuddling with his boyfriend his mind wandered to a time in the future when people like Buck and Jamie would have been able to request to join the same unit on the grounds of their relationship, rather than have to hide their affection if they wanted to get into any unit at all. Buck woke up at four am the next day and immediately had to run to his room before their instructor did his rounds. 

13:00 the next day  
The four newly commissioned officers are all called to meet with the Coronado base commandant to find out about their new appointments. Wilkinson and Morrison were both given good positions as officers in combat units, meanwhile Evan and Jamie waited to find out where they were to be posted. Buck’s heart sank when the commandant dismissed the two other officers, asking for him and his boyfriend to stay. Both their hearts sank when their commander started outlining the ‘don’t ask don’t tell’ policy, buck was mentally running through very swear word he could think of in all five of the languages he was fluent in, and, from one look to his side, he could tell that Jamie was doing the same. He was soon surprised though by their brief on the policy being ended with a “but I don’t care about all that crap” - was his boss insinuating what he thought he was? Both men turned to look at each other as their instructor was then asked to brief the commandant on their abilities as soldiers, “they are the best men I have trained in a long time sir, in fact Buckley could be the best trainee I’ve had in my entire career. The commandant appeared to consider this for a few minutes before calling for his secretary to call in another officer called captain Daniel Johnson. Captain Johnson quickly outlined that he was the commander of the special operations unit of the SEALs, and that he wanted men with their abilities on his team, when they asked about the possibility of serving together they were met with a knowing look, before he said that of course they would be, “because I don’t need you two pining after each other, I need you to be the best soldiers possible, and provided you can do that, then unless it’s illegal I don’t care what you do in private”.

One year later:  
Lieutenant Buck Buckley applies for permission to bring an engagement ring with him on his next mission, he and Lieutenant Ryder had been openly dating for a few months, ever since Obama had repealed ‘don’t ask don’t tell’, however, their whole unit knew that ever since their first day they were a package deal, earning them the nicknames smoke and fire “cause there’s no smoke without fire,” Carlos Shore, their direct superior had told them. Well Buck was about to make them official, sure they’d talked about it but he was still nervous as hell when they went out on the mission, hoping nothing would go wrong so he could carry out the perfect proposal. Luckily for him and not so much for the Taliban commanders they had been told to take out, the mission went without a hitch, lending itself perfectly to the surprisingly romantic proposal. Jamie of course said yes and they tied the knot later that year, again with none of the Buckley’s present, Buck wasn’t sad though, his real family was there congratulating both men on finally becoming husbands. Even their former instructor from Coronado was there, he even shed a very un-SEAL like tear when they both said “I do”.

September 2014  
Ever since their marriage Buck and Jamie had been totally, 100%, inseparable - earning them the coveted award of most sickeningly in love couple of the year, every year. Their commanders were proud of them, effective, deadly and efficient - the sixth sense they had developed around each other, almost allowing them to know what the other was thinking without words had made them the most successful combat pairing active in the SEALs. This meant that they quickly rose through the ranks, Buck becoming a Commander and Jamie becoming his executive officer within four years of graduating. By anyone’s standard this was impressive. They were at home the morning that they received confirmation of Buck’s next promotion, they all knew Captain Johnson, the man who had recruited them three and a bit years earlier was retiring after twenty years of service. In response to this Buck threw his hat into the ring for the promotion, not expecting in a million years to get it. The news they got in the envelop that morning was bittersweet - Buck had won his promotion, the board unanimously deciding he was the best choice, leaving Jamie more than hopeful of his own promotion to take over Buck’s old command. The bad news was that the role of Captain was a non-combat one, meaning the two lovers could no longer serve together, both saddened by this they both took solace in that at least Buck would have the clearance to know where his husband was when on deployment, they were still, however, mourning the loss of their working partnership. This was why they immediately agreed when they got the call for one final mission together, not knowing that it would end it heartbreak...


	2. Silver Stars, Purple Hearts and Broken Hearts

“Corporal Edmundo Diaz has served with distinction for the last seven years, taking part in five tours in this time. In his last tour Corporal Diaz was called to an active shootout between US Navy SEALs and Taliban insurgents, despite the danger all around him Diaz led his medical team with distinction, far above what is expected. He did not order his fellow medics to enter a situation he would not, instead leading from the front and running towards the danger. As a result of Corporal Diaz’s heroic actions many soldier’s lives were saved, therefore it is my honour to award him with the Silver Star for heroism.

“Commander Evan Buckley, for injuries received in the line of duty to your country you are hereby awarded the Purple Heart”.

“Lieutenant Commander James Ryder was a respected and beloved member of his unit, who gave his life to protect his soldiers. He died whilst serving alongside his Husband, Commander Evan Buckley in Afghanistan, protecting American’s and our friends around the world from the threat of terrorism.” Evan Buckley felt like his world was collapsing, he was at his own husband’s funeral, barely three years after they had married. He also had absolutely no one there for him, Maddie had, as usual not even replied to the letter he sent her and his parents had still not forgiven him for joining the SEALs, he was alone. 

Late October 2014  
They had just shared a final kiss before getting into the helicopter which would fly them into battle. If there was one thing the two boys understood, it was that they had to seize every moment before battle, as you never knew who was going to get to go home at the end of the day. With that they were off, flying rapidly to the compound where five Taliban chiefs were holed up having a meeting, security was relatively light, with drone footage showing a maximum of ten people on guard at any one time, it should have been a piece of cake, just an in and out mission 15 minutes from drop to recovery at most. None of the men involved were expecting a gunfight lasting for two hours to entail, all in all there must have been three shifts of fifty guards, all of whom were immediately deployed to fight the SEALs leading to multiple casualties and the need for an evacuation. A request was immediately sent to the nearby army camp for a medical team and the black hawks were radioed to return with heavy backup. It was too late though when the backup arrived, the terrorists had snipers who had quickly been deployed, aiming for officers, hoping to break down the command structure. Of the five officers sent in, only two were alive at the end of the gunfight.

Eddie Diaz was sitting in the junior NCOs mess, enjoying some rest before going on duty in the ER when he was called out to an emergency. He was curious, wondering where he was being sent with his team, as there had been no missions out that night. His curiosity was quickly replaced with fear, however, when he saw three helicopter gunships passing over the base, before heading to his own helicopter and hopping in just before take off. Arriving at the scene was easily the most terrifying moment of Eddie’s life, he saw easily fifty heavily armed SEALs surrounding a compound and could hear loud bangs accompanying flashes of bright yellow as grenades were launched by both sides over the perimeter of the site. At that moment Corporal Diaz knew that regardless of the outcome, this battle was going to haunt his dreams for quite a while. He quickly sprang into action, seeing a gathering of men who he presumes are the officers talking animatedly and pointing to various parts of the map, he decides to run over to them and ask about where the wort injuries are. He is surprised as a man who looks easily five years younger than him yet wearing the insignia of a Naval Commander turns to brief him on injuries. The man introduces himself as Buckley and informs Eddie that this was his operation, before leading him to one of the worst areas of fighting. Eddie’s team swiftly set to work triaging and preparing soldiers for transport, running through the hail of bullets trying to provide aid to their fellow soldiers. The time flies by and before long Eddie sees the young officer from before talking to another officer, who is swift in nodding before calling a team to enter the compound with him. Meanwhile he continues with his work. About an hour later the raiding party comes back, covered in blood, its leader immediately runs over to his Commander and another very young man who would appear to be the executive officer. Just as Eddie is walking past he hears two sharp cracks, immediately taking cover Eddie hears the cacophony of weapons rattling out a response before silence. This silence is broken by someone screaming for a medic, Eddie sees one of his medics immediately run over and is thankful that he didn’t have to go, taking a moment to compose himself he begins patching up the soldiers who have only sustained minor injuries. Then another crack rings out and the shouting and shooting begin once more. This time Eddie witnesses the commander of the raid, Buckley he said his name was fall to he ground, a red splotch blossoming from his leg, immediately another soldier ran towards the commander calling for a medic to follow, this time Eddie knew he had to go, had to help, so he charged through the sea of bullets towards the injured man, swiftly triaging and binding the injury. As soon as Eddie arrived the soldier ran back to take control of the situation he was now in charge of. The sniper was trying to pick off all of the officers and was periodically firing towards anyone who seemed to be in charge. In the time between his arrival at Buckley’s side and him finishing with the treatment all of the other officers bar one had been killed. Finally a counter sniper thought they had killed the attacker and everyone returned to normal, not noticing that the inky remaining uninsured officer was lying on the ground with a bloody wound on his chest. Jeremy Hansen, one of Eddie’s medics, was the first to notice the injured man, quickly calling his colleagues over for help. There was one clear wound, and Eddie could see the bullet poking out of the skin once he removed the man’s bullet proof vest. Eddie knew that in the situation he was in, he should have just left the bullet in place, however it was so tantalisingly available that pulling it out looked easy. So corporal Diaz got a pair of tweezers and pulled out the round, then the bleeding started. He’d nicked an artery and the blood was pouring out of the man. By the time Eddie’s helicopter landed at the base it was too late, the man who’s name he would later learn was Jamie Ryder, was dead.

25th October 2014  
Evan Buckley had come around from surgery, and was still feeling groggy. The first thought that came into his mind was Jamie, he knew the his husband must have been injured if he wasn’t there and immediately asked one of the nurses. The nurse turned to him upset looking and said “I’m sorry Commander Buckley, Lt. Commander Ryder didn’t make it. He bled out in the helicopter”. Buck felt his world turn upside down he felt alone for the first time in his life. Sure their marriage had been short, but still the three years he spent with Jamie had been the best years of his life, he honestly don’t know what to do without his husband. Evan drifted back into his sleep and dreamed about his and Jamie’s encounters during training, he remembered the day he thought they were going to be fired from the SEALs and for the first time felt annoyed that they hadn’t been. If he and Jamie had left the SEALs, Buck knew he would be waking up in a nice house in a nice area and going to work at his normal, 9 to 5 job before coming home to his beautiful husband. Instead he had fully come round from the anaesthesia and he saw Captain Jones sitting at the end of his bed alongside a Navy Chaplain. The captain gave him the news officially before presenting him with both his and Jamie’s purple hear medals. Buck for the first time was speechless, he couldn’t believe Jamie was gone. Honestly Buck thought he was going to walk to the room next door to his and see his husband lying there looking grumpy about being taken off active duty as he always did but nonetheless alive. This never happened, Jamie was dead and two weeks later Buck was in his dress uniform for a different reason. At the graveyard in the Military base where there stories with the SEALs started, now Captain Buckley buried his husband. He then flew out to El Paso, Texas to attend the medal ceremony for Eddie Diaz, the medic who had tried so hard but hadn’t been able to save his husband, that’s what he was told and that’s what he believed, that was until he got the phone call from the doctors saying that Eddie Diaz had in fact forgotten his training and attempted to remove the bullet, initiating the bleeding. Buck was furious, immediately turning the car around and going back to his base. The inquest following Lt. Commander Ryder’s death cleared Eddie Diaz of wrongdoing and didn’t revoke his medal, but he was sent on refresher trauma training. It was clear, however, that the medic had made an honest mistake. This is what Buck kept telling himself for the following months, it was a mistake don’t hold it against him, but it was not any use, as every time Buck saw anything in his home that had once been Jamie’s, he felt the same emptiness engulf him and the only way to escape that was to get angry, really angry at Eddie Diaz.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual I love to hear your comments so please let me know if you’re enjoying it


	3. Ending their service

Buck still had to finish his contract with the seals, however, he knew he wanted to leave as soon as possible, he had never forgiven himself for not being there for his husband when that damn medic had killed him and every time he put on his uniform Buck was reminded of that day. 

Evan Buckley was once tipped to rise up the ladder to Admiral, he was that good at his job. If he put his mind to it Evan was sure he still could, however, the career that had once quantified his life was no longer what he wanted to do. His heart was no longer in the job, so after being promoted four times in for years, Buck just settled down, happy to be a captain and nothing more. He never applied for another promotion, never won another medal, never took part in another operation, he just busied himself with organising teams and writing reports that would grace the President’s desk (this sounds cool but Buck quickly found it to be very annoying because everything had to be perfect in them) until his eight years with the service where finally over and he was free from the career he had once loved but now hated.

Eddie Diaz had never really recovered from the events of that night in Afghanistan, so, as soon as his tour was over he left the army to join the Texas fire Department. He don’t realised how rocky his marriage was until he returned home from training one day to find a letter from Shannon on his kitchen table, she informed him that she had found someone else who actually cared for her and that she no longer wanted to be in his life. Eddie broke down in tears at that letter before it hit him that this is what that SEAL officer, Buckley must have felt like, to have the person you love snatched from you in this way, Eddie felt terrible but knew he had to put on as brave face for his son. His son Christopher became his whole world, so much so that when he was diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy Eddie decided to move to LA to get his son the best treatment possible. It also helped that the LAFD had much higher wages than its Texan counterpart. Eddie transferred to station 118 in LA and began working there in 2016.

Buck didn’t know what to do, he finally got out of the SEALs in the summer of 2018 and decided to just live off his savings for a while, he didn’t want to leave California though, as that is where his husband was, therefore he moved to LA. Buck’s therapist quickly recommended that he get a job, something that could inject purpose back into his life, so Buck began searching. He knew that he didn’t want an office job, his four years as a captain taught him that although he was exceptional at writing reports he hated every second of it. He also didn’t want to enter another field at the bottom of the ladder and have to work his way up again, which is why he joined the LAFD, they were willing to allow him direct entry as a lieutenant, given his last leadership experience and also provided him with the adrenaline he so missed from active duty. He graduated from the fire academy that year and was quickly placed in the 118 as their new lieutenant. 

Eddie Diaz was walking into work when he heard Bobby talking to the others about a new Lieutenant they were getting who had been in the navy. He told them to treat him nicely and said his name was Evan Buckley. Eddie immediately felt sick, was this the Evan Buckley who’s husband he had accidentally killed? Was this the Evan Buckley who probably hated his guts? What could possibly go wrong when the two meet next chapter?


	4. An unexpected and unwanted meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie and Buck finally meet for the first time since the shooting, will Buck forgive or will his own grief dictate that Eddie must pay for his mistake?

Twenty minutes to 9 o’clock, Monday 1st November 2018  
Evan Buckley rolls up to the 118 twenty minutes before his shift, if there’s one thing that the SEALs had taught him is that if you want to lead then you’d better do it from the front, he wanted his crew to respect him and to accept him as one of them, so he was going to apply the first principle he had learnt in his training. He still remembers it to this day, out of his intake there had been 12 officer cadets, all of whom had been given a small command of 10 men for a week, to analyse the strengths and weaknesses of their leadership philosophies. Their instructor had walked over to the officers and told them to pick a distance for their men to run. Buck chose a nice easy (they’re SEALs so this probably was easy for them) 10K, the instructor then ordered the troop to start their 10k run. Buck was then led to the gym and the treadmill and told to not stop running until he’d done 20k. The idea of this exercise was clear, if you want to lead then you have to be willing to work twice as hard as those under you, get up twice as early and worry twice as much about getting everyone home. It had worked for him with SEALs who were twice his age, surely it could work again for some city firefighters. He saw the captain, Bobby Nash in his office drinking his morning coffee and decided to go and introduce himself since they had never actually met. Buck walks into the office, unsure of how to carry himself now that he’s a civilian, ultimately he decides to go full military cause at the very least it’ll inflate the Captain’s ego a bit. He enters and stands sharply at attention until invited to sit by his new boss. Buck covers the basics of what he’s been doing for the last 8 years of his life since leaving school, although he leaves out being in the SEALs, instead just saying he was in the military. Then the rest of the shift turn up and hastily introduce themselves to their new coworker, Buck immediately sizes up who he’s going to like and who is going to be a bit harder to warm to, but so far so good. He takes a particular shine to Hen Wilson, she seems caring but there’s also a toughness to her character that he can respect, she’s clearly been through a lot in her life because he can see her sizing him up in the exact same way. Chimney also seems to be pleasant enough, although the two don’t instantly hit it off when the man makes a comment about Buck’s car being flashy and definitely not something an ordinary soldier could buy without help, the insinuation being that Buck has rich parents who bent a few arms to get him this job fresh out of firefighting college. There’s one man notably missing but no one seems perturbed, saying Eddie is always a few minutes late, because Carla, his son’s nurse doesn’t arrive until nine, Buck understands, since losing Jamie he has thought frequently about how they were talking about adopting once his promotion came through and doesn’t want to deny anyone the opportunity he and his husband missed, also, seeing that Bobby’s ok with it, he presumes that it’s been discussed. So far so good, Buck’s getting on well with his new crew, then HE walks in, the man who haunts his dreams more than the man who actually killed his husband, because Eddie Diaz is the man who allowed his husband to die. Buck feels his hands balling into fists, his good mood instantly evaporating, being replaced by sheer unbridled anger, all of the different ways he learnt to kill during his SEAL training run through his head, some are silent, some are fast, some are slower but all Buck can do is imagine the slowest most painful way to kill he learnt and project it onto the man in front of him. Instead of doing one of the multitude of illegal things he wants to do, Buck just does what he does best, turns his emotions off, presents a fake smile and says “good morning Firefighter Diaz, glad you could make it”. Eddie practically squeaks before running off to the the locker room to get changed, he’s standing there tracing the dog tags that once held his wedding ring to Shannon and now holds a st.Christopher pendant given to him by his son, imagining whether Evan Buckley still wears his ring and whether he wants to exact his revenge for what happened that night in 2014. 

When Eddie emerges from his mini panic attack in the locker room, he sees Buck being entertained by the rest of the 118, they’re telling him stories about themselves and he’s sitting there smiling and laughing, although there’s an emptiness behind his eyes as though he’s having to practically switch his brain off to just cope with being in the same room as Eddie. Chim sees Eddie coming up the stairs and obliviously unhelpful as always states that Buck and Eddie probably have a fair bit in common, both being military and all that. Buck just nods with eyes that Eddie doesn’t doubt for a minute have seen atrocities that would haunt a normal person’s every dream. He and Buck truthfully have only one thing in common and it would appear that neither of them are going to talk about it any time soon. The conversation quickly turns around to buck, and particularly the V8 Shelby mustang sitting outside the station, Chim sensing that there is more to the new lieutenant than meets the eye inquired as to how an ordinary soldier could afford it, Buck replies that he was a captain (allowing them all to think it was with the army not the navy) and that’s why, Bobby now weighs in, saying that army captains aren’t paid that much more than him and he certainly couldn’t afford the car, to which Buck replies “I got good bonuses”. Then mercifully the alarm goes, it’s a minor medical call, so Buck goes with just his crew, leaving Bobby and the rest of the 118 back at the station. 

It was a domestic abuse case, a pet hate of Buck’s, he’s seen some horrible twisted people in his career, but he can never understand why you would ever hurt someone you claim to love. His mind immediately flicks back to his marriage with Jamie, his husband was the most remarkable man he’d ever met: tall, muscular, handsome, smart and yet kind, a combination that normally do not all fit together, Buck couldn’t imagine his hardened soldier of a husband acting like the brute he’s watching being arrested today. He’s still thinking about Jamie, although this time it’s all of the man’s other, ahem, talents, he was just getting to some of his juicier memories of the bedroom when he’s startled by a firm had on his shoulder. Buck immediately snaps out of his daydream and suddenly he’s back in Afghanistan, his hand reaching to where his gun would have been, ready to kill his unseen attacker. Suddenly he sees a very surprised looking police officer and realising that he’s holding her wrist in a grip so hard it must be painful he immediately lets go, apologising. She just laughs, saying that her husband, the Captain of the 118 had told her Buck was in the military, then she apologised saying she shouldn’t have walked up to him like that given what he could have been through in battle. This police officer who introduced herself as sgt. Grant quickly gave him the rundown of what had happened so he could fill in his paperwork before turning to leave and inviting him to a barbecue at her and Bobby’s house that weekend. 

Once arriving back, Evan immediately started his report, finishing it in minute detail 15 minutes later and handing it to Bobby who read it, clearly impressed he said “I didn’t have you down as an academic, Buckley”. To which Buck replied “well I might be good at it but please don’t think I actually enjoy writing reports, my last four years of service were spent doing nothing but writing and I hated every second of it”. Both leave the office laughing, before Bobby says “well that makes two of us then”. Once the report is done the quizzing starts once more. The whole team are confused, the things Buck are saying just don’t seem to add up, and there is clear tension between Eddie and the new Lieutenant. It comes to a head on the next call, another medical but his time a shooting, when the news comes in over the tannoy that a 30 year old man has been shot in the lower abdomen, Buck immediately chooses to bench Eddie. Everyone is confused, surely Eddie is the team’s biggest asset for a shooting, he probably has more experience with weapons than anyone else. Therefore Hen and Chim are rightly annoyed at being expected to manage the emergency. Fortunately the wound wasn’t serious and just required dressing and a trip to hospital for the round’s removal. Hen said she could do it in the field and have the man on his way, but Buck insisted on hospital care, there was something weird about that guy and they all could sense it. 

Later that night Hen, Bobby, Athena, Karen, Chim and his new ‘friend’ Maddie all went out for drinks. Eddie had also been invited, hell he’d even booked Carla, but instead he said he didn’t feel great and bailed, there was definitely something up with him too. It didn’t take long before the conversation turned to Buck, Athena saying that she’d run a background check on him cause she was curious about who he was, her curiosity was, however, left unsatisfied as her computer was denied access to his file saying that she had to be approved by the bureau of Naval personnel for access and she was called into her Captain’s office for running an unnecessary and unsanctioned search. At this revelation Hen turns to Bobby saying “buck said he was a captain, didn’t he”, to which Bobby nods and replies “well that explains the car then, cause there was no way a junior officer could afford that sort of outlay”. Meanwhile Maddie is listening intently about this Evan Buckley knowing that a long time ago when she was Maddie 1.0, Maddie Buckley, that she had a little brother named Evan who always dreamed of joining the SEALs. Of course no one on the team knows about Maddie’s past before Doug and as far as they’re concerned she was Maddie Kendall when married and is now Maddie Stuart (her and Buck’s Mother’s maiden name). Chim then moves on to how when they were putting their civilian clothes on after the shift he saw a small lump on a chain around Buck’s neck and under his t-shirt. This immediately starts the rumour mill running about who the lucky girl is as Karen points out that “he’s a ten and I don’t even like boys”.

Eddie is sitting at home glass of whiskey in hand trying to calm down from the stress of his first day working with Buck, he knows this isn’t good for him but he doesn’t want to cost Buck his command or job, he knows how hard it must be for Evan, Eddie thinks about it all the time, he had one job in the army and that was to save the lives of the soldiers who were injured in the field. He remembers back to his first day of training when the instructor told them that they are the reason soldiers are confident going into battle, because they are the assurance that everyone will make it out ok. Eddie had failed and he knew it, he knew Buck had every right to be raging and actually wished he would just be nasty and horrible and prove everything bad Eddie had ever imagined about him, so he could sleep at night. Instead, Buck seemed to be someone Eddie would have befriended in other circumstances, he was a genuinely nice guy but he was broken and it was Eddie who had broken him.

Buck arrived to his apartment after hitting the gym for a post shift workout, he felt emotionally and physically exhausted. Stepping over the threshold he went through his normal routine of making dinner and watching some rubbish television before going to bed early. As usual no one contacted him, he had a phone but other than the group chat with the other members of his old unit, no one ever used it to contact him. He was lonely, his family had long since abandoned him, not even coming to their own son in law’s funeral. He heard families complaining about only phoning each other at Christmas and thanksgiving, but Buck hadn’t phoned a single member of his family in almost a decade. He used to say that he had a family of one, Jamie was always sufficient for him and they fitted together like they had been made to never fall apart, there was never a dull moment between the two of them and they never had a row that lasted longer than a day, never. Meanwhile Buck’s rift with his sister was reaching its eighth year and he no longer even had a method of contact for her. At ten o’clock Buck turned his TV off before getting ready for bed, his light was out at half ten like it was very night, honestly Buck’s life had just turned into a waiting game, he was just running out the years until he would finally get to be reunited with Jamie. 

The next morning he repeated the exact same routine as he always did: wake up, shower, make the bed breakfast, get dressed leave for work. He arrived as usual at 20 to nine and went to get a cup of coffee, waiting for his team to arrive. No sooner had they all clocked on than there was a call. A stabbing had occurred and there was already one deceased victim and another in a bad way. They were all running to the trucks in an instant, everyone except Eddie who was expecting to be benched again - that was until Buck held out the olive branch, shouting for him to follow and do it quickly. 

When the 118 arrived in the scene it was a mess, there were five people stabbed already and the madman with the knife was running towards another crowd of people - Buck knew immediately what he had to do, the police had radioed that they were still ten minutes out, with the SWAT team 15 minutes away. With that Evan radioed Bobby asking him to take control of the scene before charging towards the attacker who only realised what had hit him when Buck’s fist barrelled into his stomach whilst his other arm grabbed the knife wielding hand rotating the full limb backwards with a crunch. The attacker crumpled in pain as Buck disarmed him before calling Hen over to check him. When nobody came forward Buck turned to the whole 118 staring at him in amazement, shock and horror. He called Hen again, using his soldier voice, gosh it had been a while since he’d used that and she quickly ran over still looking shocked. Athena was the first officer to arrive and she and her partner left the cruiser with guns drawn expecting a fight. What she was not expecting was a totally emotionless Evan Buckley to be standing in front of her with a known murder and and rapist who was wincing in pain as he squeezed his arms together. Athena was totally horrified, she had seen serial killers being brought into the precinct showing more emotion than the man who had been likened to a human Labrador by his team. She was even more shocked when the SWAT sergeant finally showed up, he was new and this was Athena’s first time meeting him she saw the man mountain that was David Morrison jump out of his truck in full gear and run towards her stopping just in time to ask for an explanation of why she was standing with the suspect apprehended despite the danger he posed to the arresting officers, Athena just cooly replied “you might want to ask the arresting firefighter”, before pointing at Buck. Morrison did not suffer fools or amateurs, no one who had been in the SEALs did and he was about to give this firefighter an earful for taking such a risk until he saw the man who had up until two years ago when Morrison had left he SEALs been his boss. Immediately the expression of anger turned to one of respect and Morrison addressed him as “Captain” and “sir” when asking about the suspect. Athena though it was ridiculous how the sergeant couldn’t even take the time to read Buck’s insignia and realise he was a lieutenant, for someone who was meant to never stop talking about being a SEAL his observational skills were severely lacking. Athena who’s pride had been hurt by the sharp way he had spoken to her in front of her team decided to remind him of the rank structure of the LAFD, carefully explaining that one bar on his epaulets meant Buck was a lieutenant, Morrison humoured this until he told Athena about Buck previously having an eagle where his lieutenant’s bars are now and about how he was the youngest person ever to reach that rank in the SEALs. Once this set to is over Buck and Morrison exchange numbers as they were in the same intake at Coronado before Buck out-promoted basically everyone other than Jamie. Just as Athena was leaving Buck pulled her aside, asking her to keep his past with the SEALs a secret from Bobby and the team, as he had his own reasons for not wanting this element of his past dragged up. Athena agreed before walking off, pondering this new development in the life of Evan Buckley.

When Bobby walks into his office he is not expecting to find a crying Eddie Diaz waiting for him. Eddie has been waiting there for Bobby to come back from the kitchen for the last ten minutes, wanting to run by knowing he can’t, he has to tell Bobby about his past with Buck, despite the other man wanting to keep it a secret. Which is why, in-between tears, Eddie Diaz says that he doesn’t feel that he can continue working under Evan Buckley...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I love to hear your comments so please do let me know what you think. The overriding opinion in response to the last chapter was that Buck shouldn’t abuse his power, so I’m going to stick with that, because neither of these two men are at fault and I eventually do want to see a friendship and maybe something more blossom, however, Buck still has a lot of issues to work through.


	5. Bobby discovers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie knows he needs help. Bobby finds out about Buck’s past from Eddie and is furious that he didn’t know from the start, however, he realises that both men need help and fast. An incident also plays a role in some bonding time between the two men.

“He hates me!”. Between sobs, Eddie is trying to convey his working relationship with Buck to Bobby who is sitting confused at how such bad feeling has sparked between the two in just a few days.

“I’m sure he doesn’t, Lieutenant Buckley is not the type of person to hate someone, especially not someone he’s just met”.

*more sobbing* Bobby eventually decides that his attempts at reasoning with Eddie aren’t working so goes full father mode, bringing him in for a hug and trying to calm down the clearly distressed firefighter. Sure, there’s been a bit of tension between Diaz and Buckley, but nothing immediately strikes him as sufficient to spark this reaction. He’s already decided that he’s going to give Eddie the rest of the day off and will call Buck into his office as soon as the other man leaves.

Bobby is trapped in his thoughts until he hears Eddie weakly saying “we didn’t meet two days ago”. Now he’s curious, both men said they were in the military, but hadn’t mentioned crossing paths, leaving Bobby trying to figure out where they possibly could have met. Eddie, seeing the gears slowly turning in Bobby’s head, realises that his comment hasn’t had the desired effect and goes into further detail- “we met four years ago at a siege in Afghanistan, Buck was leading a SEAL team that was trying to assassinate five Taliban chiefs but the operation went wrong due to bad intelligence”. Bobby is now really confused. He had thought of many different careers that the ever caring and jovial Evan Buckley could have done but he had never seen the man as a member of the most elite fighting force in the US armed forces. But now it made sense, everyone knew SEALs were paid well, explaining the car and Bobby’s mind casts back to the stabbing where it looked like Buck had just turned into another person, no it looked like Buck had become a machine.

“You were a medic though, it wasn’t your fault that the mission went wrong”. Bobby is now really confused, he knows Eddie always hates talking about his service but this incident doesn’t actually seem to have anything much to do with him. The captain hates to, but he knows he’s going to have to probe for further information, quickly sending a text off to Athena, he asks her to run a search on Eddie’s military service to see if it throws up any clues. Capt. Nash then asks Eddie to explain what else happened...

Evan Buckley does not want the attention his escapade with the knifeman has got him. He has spent the entire journey back to the station trying to avoid the probing questions from his teammates, wanting to answer them and put himself out of his misery, but not trusting himself to ever close the floodgates of emotion if he opens them. He knows keeping his misery bottled up inside him is the worst coping method possible, but he can’t help it, he has no one to talk to and can’t bring himself to open up to his coworkers of two days. Hen looks like a child that has just been told Santa Claus doesn’t exist and Chimney looks like he’s going to be his usual tactless self as Buck walks over to them. The immediately stir when lieutenant Buckley joins them before the questioning starts. “Where did you learn to do that?” “How, just how?” “What was it you said you did before joining the LAFD?”. Then the game of guess what service Buck was in began and Hen was plumbing for the US airborne, meanwhile Chim was placing his money on Buck being a Marine. The game eventually turned into a bet after Buck left. Hen did, however, feel a pang of regret watching the man leave, there was clearly something up with her new boss and she knew at that minute her and Chim’s game hadn’t done him any favours.

Bobby’s phone:

Bobby: Hey, baby, could you do me a favour please? - Bobby.

Athena: Sure love, what is it?

Bobby: Could you run Eddie’s name through your computer? He’s come to me, very upset talking about an event that happened with his military service in 2014. Buck was involved and the mission went wrong, that’s all I can get out of him. -Bobby.

Bobby: Oh also, Buck was a SEAL - Bobby.

Athena: I’ll do it, but I doubt I’ll find much - if you’re really worried I can put a request for the information through to the Navy but I think we both know the answer I’ll get.

Bobby: Don’t do anything that’ll get you in trouble sweetheart. - Bobby.

Athena (five minutes later): As expected there’s a period on Eddie’s file that’s totally redacted, and the request to the Navy was a no go, they told me to stick it when I didn’t have a charge to press. I’ve got an idea though...

Athena’s police precinct:

Athena practically runs out to her squad car, she knows that she needs to go and see sergeant Morrison at the SWAT HQ if she wants answers. They didn’t start off on the best foot but surely he’ll want to help an old friend. Pulling up at the HQ Athena immediately asks for the sergeant who calmly walks out and asks if she’s come to apologise about earlier. Athena is NOT the apologising type, but she makes an exception this time because she needs to know what he knows. One swiftly muttered apology later and she’s sitting down with Morrison asking about a major siege in Afghanistan. The big man looks shaken to the core when she starts talking - that can’t be a good sign. Morrison says that he didn’t work with Buck at the time, as they were on regular and special operations respectively but the siege was infamous amongst SEALs for years afterwords, prompting an overhaul of the intelligence gathering system. He outlines that Buck at the time was commander Buckley and that he led a raiding party of thirty men and two other officers in a siege against a Taliban safe house. The mission was a total failure, the SEALs were totally outnumbered by a ratio of about five to one and snipers were stationed all around the compound aiming for officers in the hope of breaking down the command structure. When the operation turned south Buck was forced to call in medical and tactical reinforcements, leading to a further twenty men and two officers, alongside helicopter gunships flying to the scene. The medical response was provided by the nearby forward operating base and was commanded by a corporal Eddie Diaz. The name immediately piques Athena’s interest, they’re clearly about to find out what happened. Morrison said that the losses were high, a whole fire team was lost and all bar one officer died. Eddie Diaz got his silver star for heroism that day, but despite his actions he is universally hated by the SEALs, not one of the people he saved attended the ceremony because of a mistake he made at the scene. Athena’s now worried, what could have happened that was so bad that he is still so hated by the SEALs. Morrison is clearly intending on telling her, he starts with how a sniper hit Commander Buckley in the thigh, causing him to be put out of action and placing the command onto his 2IC and husband Lieutenant Commander Jamie Ryder. Athena is totally shocked, Buck is Married and gay? Surely those are things you tell your coworkers on your first day, it’s not as if he had anything to worry about, Hen talks about Karen and nobody cares about them both being women, so why didn’t he say something. Then she realises Morrison is continuing with his story saying that Ryder was hit in the chest and the medic Eddie Diaz was the first person to attend to him. Then a sneer appears across the man’s face as he describes how Ryder had been prepped for transport back to base for surgery when Diaz had decided to remove the round in the field - there was no medical need for this and it was a mistake, sure, but Athena still doesn’t know what the problem was. Then she discovers that the bullet had nicked an artery, so when removed the blood started pouring out of the young man’s body. Morrison said he died during transport and that Buck woke up from his surgery asking for him, only to see the Navy Chaplain waiting at the end of his bed. Athena feels her heart melt for both her boys - they work at her husband’s station and are under thirty, she is their mother and they will like it and too bad if they don’t. Morrison then concludes saying that Evan Buckley would have undoubtedly become an Admiral if he had continued to go for promotions, however, after that incident he settled into a desk job as a captain, mostly just writing reports for the White House and Pentagon on missions and updating battle plans, until he saw out his eight year contract. The fire that had once been within the man had totally been snuffed out. Sgt Morrison’s final comment to her was that she shouldn’t be too harsh on Buck, saying that he had no apparent family, no one had been there for him when he graduated, got married or buried his husband, other than his unit and his parting words were “firehouse 118 are his new unit and have to take on the responsibility of his family”.

Athena is definitely rattled as she leaves, the misery that Evan Buckley has gone through throughout his life was driving a wedge through the 118, sure, but she felt attached to the man now that she had been let in on his secret. What was Bobby going to think...

Evan Buckley was standing inspecting equipment for one of the fire trucks when he saw Athena pull up in her squad car. He swiftly waved over to her as though nothing was wrong in the world although internally he was running through every swear word he knew in all of the languages he could speak as he saw her walk to the captain’s office. 

Eddie was still crying when Athena walked in, Bobby had pulled the blinds to give him some privacy as he had been bawling for the last hour and a quarter. Athena asked if it was about Jamie Ryder to which Eddie just nodded between tears. It was then that Athena suggested Eddie go home before she began explaining why there was so much tension between Buckley and Diaz. Bobby was clearly as shocked as she had been, but he was also furious, not at Buck and not at Eddie but with Buck’s family. Bobby had lost his family and although he had found a new home with the 118 and Athena, there wasn’t a day went by that didn’t involve him wishing he had them back. He couldn’t understand why anyone would ever deliberately sever all ties with their own flesh and blood. Bobby also knew he was going to have to talk to both boys about therapy, and he was going to put Eddie onto his team and send Anderson over to Buck, it was unfair on both of them to have to work so closely together. Once Athena left, Bobby called Buck into his office, Buck didn’t realise he was swearing in Arabic until Bobby looked at him like he’d grown another head, Buck then quickly stopped and apologised, saying he was stressed. Bobby closed the door to his office and said that he knew about Buck’s past with Eddie and that both Eddie and Athena had told him all of the details. 

Evan Buckley was furious, he had finally found a job that satisfied his adrenaline cravings, whilst paying the bills and not causing everything he did and wore to remind him of his dead husband. And that damn medic, clearly unhappy with only ruining his life the once had decided to destroy Buck again. Buck instantly started saying “you can’t take this job from me”, and when Bobby quizzically raised his eyebrow, Buck sat down with a sigh, saying “it’s all I’ve got”. Bobby immediately recommended that Buck go to therapy, Bobby knew what he was going through and saw the danger signs creeping into Buck’s life, he also informed him that Eddie was being removed from his crew and replaced with Anderson, so that the two would only have to see each other at three alarm incidents. Buck quietly nodded, he wanted to be angry but he had sat on the other side of the desk having these sorts of conversations more times than he cared to remember and knew that it’s what he would have done. Bobby also says at the end, “for what it’s worth, you’re a damn good firefighter and so’s he, if you could get over his mistake, I think you’d have more in common than you’d imagine”.

Bobby calls round to Eddie’s house later that night and doesn’t like what he sees, Chris is staying over at his Abuela’s and Eddie is lying in the foetal position on his couch with an empty bottle of whiskey next to him and another two empties sitting by the bin. Bobby makes him a coffee and tells it to him straight, “I’ve been in the exact same position as you, over the exact same thing and have responded in the exact same way, I also know there is only one way this ends if you don’t get help, and it’s with you in a coffin. I’m going to give you a choice, either you agree to meet with Frank and talk this out, like Evan has already agreed to, or I have to put you on restricted duty, not because of your mistake but because the way in which you’re handling it is putting you in danger. What’s it going to be?” Eddie meekly replies, saying he’ll see the therapist to which Bobby replies, “good for you, you chose the option I ran from and because of that you won’t have to repeat my mistakes. Also if you think you can get over what happened, I genuinely think you’d get on well with Buck, you’re both reasonable men, you’re just crap with emotions”.

Five days later:  
“Attention station 118! Attention station 118! Medical emergency at 252 Wilkinson street!”  
Immediately Buck’s team are running to the truck, and Buck is just in the front passenger seat when he gets the communication over his radio that there is ordinance involved in the emergency. Buck knows he has to immediately put Bobby on standby for support should he need it, as these situations can become messy quickly, once Bobby is radioed, buck continues listening to police reports from the scene trying to figure out as much as he can. Upon arrival Buck is met by a very worried looking Athena who briefs him before he leads his crew into the house. Hen and Chim load the man onto a stretcher after he explained how he managed to shoot a dummy grenade into his leg, whilst Buck and Anderson scour the rest of the room for any other potentially live ordinance. Just as he’s walking back to the truck, Buck checks in on the ambulance and then he sees it, the cap of the grenade is blue, not yellow, signifying a live round, immediately he returns to his training, shouting for Hen and Chim to run, they’re so startled they run as if their lives depend upon it before finally asking Buck what was wrong, he replied simply with “it’s not a dud”. Hen looks like she’s just seen a ghost and Chimney isn’t much better, with that Buck immediately calls Bobby down for help and radios in the Bomb squad. When Bobby arrives he catches another glimpse of Buck the Navy Seal, totally in command of the situation, he has a cordon already set up and all the nearby houses evacuated. Bobby runs over to him to see what else needs done and to officially take over the scene. Buck just turns found on his phone looking like he wants to kill someone before hanging up abruptly, he doesn’t give Bobby a chance to ask who it was, preemptively answering the question with “that was the hospital, they won’t let us bring him in until the ordinance is out and they won’t send a surgeon out here to remove it, so we’re on our own”. Bobby’s face turns ashen, knowing what Buck is implying - a member of the 118 is going to have to go into the ambulance and remove the grenade. Buck looks at him saying, I’ll do it, I have experience with the ordinance, but I’m not an EMT so I’ll need help, up until five days ago, Bobby wouldn’t have hesitated in telling Eddie to go with him, however, he’s not so sure that’s going to be a good idea this time but as he looks around the team, Eddie is really the only choice. He runs the thought past Buck asking whether he’s happy to work with the other man, to which Buck just nods, saying “I can’t forgive him but I swore at the start of all this it wouldn’t get in the way of my work and I still mean it now. Anyway you wanted us to get closer and now we might get really close”. Bobby then walks over to Eddie, who is clearly nervous at having to work with Buck, even suggesting Buck stay behind the cordon and he does it alone. When Bobby is not amenable to this suggestion in the slightest, Eddie gives in, agreeing to work with Buck, Bobby always knew he would, because this represents his chance to prove himself once more.

Inside the ambulance after brushing off the safety briefing with, “you do know we’ve both worked with these, right?”, the two men get to work, Eddie carefully pulling the round out of the leg and Buck checking it over for any damage that could potentially cause it to detonate. Once they are sure it’s safe, Buck drops it into the ammunition box before handing it off to the bomb squad. He and Eddie are just debriefing Bobby when they hear the controlled explosion behind them, the sound brings them both back to their service and they laugh at Bobby’s startled expression before suggesting calling in for McDonalds on the way back to the station, they’re laughing again when Bobby is still blanching at the thought of the grenade going off. Athena looks over and she’s happy to see that her boys put their bitterness aside to help the poor man who makes Bobby look like a picture of serenity as the ambulance doors are shut and Hen and Chim drive off.

Buck’s near death experience spurs him into driving to Coronado to visit Jamie, he knows the site will be closed but he hopes the guards will recognise him and let him in anyway. Fortunately they do and that is why he finds himself sitting alone at his husband’s grave at two in the morning when a figure walks up behind him, it’s the commander of Coronado, rear admiral (lower half) Shore, who also happened to be his commander on the mission when he proposed, Buck sniffles lightly as the man walks over to him and invites him back to his house on site for a coffee. Buck accepts, something for which Carlos Shore is mightily grateful, everyone in the service who knew him was worried after Jamie’s death and rightly so, Buck wasn’t in a good place and by the looks of it, time has healed absolutely nothing for the poor man. He and Carlos walk back to the house, where Emily, Carlos’ wife makes coffee before sitting down with the two men, she had been a good friend to both Jamie and Buck over the years but they had fallen out of touch when Buck left the service. Evan tells them about how he’s been working with the LAFD and even includes the news of his new coworker being the infamous Eddie Diaz. Carlos and Emily both shudder at the thought of the medic being one of Buck’s firefighters. They spend the night talking before Carlos and Emily bid Evan farewell and tell him he’d better call in for a proper visit the next time he’s on base. It’s meetings like these, few and far between as they are, that put Evan on a mini high for a while, they make him feel like he has a family and allow him to act like the carefree man he once was. That is until the painful truth of his reality comes crashing back down and he realises that he is totally alone, he’s no longer a SEAL and whilst he misses the camaraderie, he knows how painful it was to put on that uniform and for all of the memories of Jamie to just come folding back. That night Buck drifts into a fitful and disturbed sleep, remembering everything from his and Jamie’s stolen glances on training activities, to how he genuinely worried he was going to be marching with a limp at his passing out parade as a result of him Jamie celebrating, vigorously, the night before and how they always were inseparable, even in combat where they looked out for each other whilst also taking care of their other responsibilities, he sleeps wondering how he’s going to go on.

Maddie Stuart/Buckley’s flat the next morning:

Maddie and Chim wake up at eight to get ready to go to Bobby and Athena’s barbecue together, he’s going to use this as a chance to introduce her to his otherwise relatively reserved new coworker. They set off and are just pulling up to the Grant-Nash household as Maddie notices the yellow Shelby Mustang sitting parked outside, she recognises the vehicle as the modern version of her little brother’s dream car, she honestly misses him and wonders why he never tried to reach out to her after embarking on SEAL training, he knew she just wanted him to be happy and didn’t think like their parents yet he still had never contacted her. What she didn’t realise was that he had tried to contact her, on all of the important occasions in his life: his passing out, his wedding day, his husband’s funeral. Every time Buck felt like he needed a big sister he had reached out and when the replies never came he eventually stopped trying. The replies never came because Doug always destroyed the letters before Maddie could read them.

Buck is standing talking to Bobby about booking to see Frank, the therapist, when the front door opens, he immediately recognises the person walking in with Chimney only for it to be confirmed when Karen introduces her to Eddie as Maddie Stuart. Buck feels his knees go weak when he heard the name, immediately recognising that Stuart was his mother’s maiden name. Maddie hasn’t yet noticed him but Chim is swiftly pulling her over to meet him.

Maddie follows Chim eager to meet this new lieutenant who everyone is talking about, she stops when she sees the electric blue eyes and the pink blotch above his eye, she starts tearing up before whispering “Evan?”...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you’re enjoying the story, Maddie might make an appearance at the station next chapter, I honestly haven’t decided yet, but if she does, it’s going to be BAD. If you have any suggestions for what you’d like to see, please leave a comment👍


	6. Is it really you?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maddie and Buck meet for the first time in eight years. Although initially tensions are high, the siblings who were once close, quickly discover that both have been through unimaginable hardship.

Buck for the first time in his life is speechless, his mind feels like it has just been overloaded and needs to reboot before he can take in the sight in front of him. He feels every emotion on the spectrum: from happiness, to anger, to sadness and there is an overwhelming sense of curiosity building inside him. He remembers the last time he and his sister spoke, it was the day he left for SEAL training and Mads had been so supportive, telling him to ignore their parents because she knew this was what he wanted and was destined to do. His mind then casts forward 12 months to his graduation, no one had been there for him, no one. Buck has wondered for such a long time about what he possibly did wrong, he had invited her to the most proud moment of his life, he knew already that his parents weren’t going to attend but he thought she would. For years after that day Buck had questioned whether he had said something or done something to annoy her, to make her think that he didn’t want her in his life. Whilst he’s thinking this Buck does a self soothing gesture that has become second nature to him over the years, he reaches down and fiddles with his wedding ring on the dog tags under his shirt. Buck doesn’t know exactly when he started doing this, but he knows that it provided him with comfort after Jamie’s death, it is the sole link remaining between the two men and when he’s feeling stressed, touching the ring grounds him in the same way that hugging his husband once did. He’s pulled out of this daydream by a sharp gasp from the woman standing opposite him.

Maddie feels frozen to the spot, taking in the man who was once her little brother. She feels anger at having not heard from him for the last eight years, despite the joy of having finally found him. Maddie inwardly tells herself that Evan is lucky that she missed him, cause otherwise she’d smack him on the spot for cutting ties with her. Then she sees it, her baby brother is toying with a ring around his neck, she can’t see it cause it’s under his shirt, but there’s only one type of ring soldiers put on their dog tags. Maddie gasps, her brother’s married, and he never invited he to the wedding, never even told her. All she can think is ‘why?’

The Buckley siblings then realise that all eyes are on them and swiftly excuse themselves, Evan asking Bobby if there’s anywhere they can go to talk in private. They leave a group of stunned firefighters behind them, all speculating about how on earth Chim’s girlfriend knows Buck.

Buck is the first one to break the silence, asking about how long Maddie has been in LA. His sister replies curtly, telling him that it’s only been a year and that he would know if he had ever bothered to contact her. Before Buck can defend himself she also goes on, telling him that he had no right to ignore her wedding invitation and not even bother sending her one of his own, if Maddie had stopped here she would have seen the confused expression on Buck’s face, but she continued, allowing all of the pent up anger and sadness she had felt for him over the years to finally escape. When she is finally done she sees that at least one of her comments has hit a nerve, Evan looks like he’s about to cry, no, he actually is crying. Her brother doesn’t cry, he never has, their father saw to that, his favourite phrase used to be “cry and I’ll give you something to cry about” she shudders at the memory of seeing the terrified look across Evan’s face as his father argued with him. Slowly Buck composes himself, he does not know what his sister is talking about, but Buck has always felt the compulsion to have the last word in an argument and decides that this is no time to waver from that position. He starts by outlining that he tried to contact Maddie many times over the years, for his graduation, for his wedding and even to just check in with her. Then she interrupts him saying she doesn’t believe a word of it and wondering if she asked his wife, would she even know he had a sister. Maddie says she is about to leave and confront the elusive Mrs Buckley when her brother starts sobbing again. She hasn’t seen him sob like that since the day their father pretended he was going to throw him out for applying to the SEALs - she knew this wasn’t good. She calms her normally stoic brother down for the second time that day and changes tack, using her caring nurse’s voice, she asks him to tell her his story for the start. By the end of Buck’s explanation, where he pulls no punches about what happened to Jamie, other than leaving out Eddie’s involvement, she realises several things, a) her ex husband was even more of a dick than she could ever have imagined, b) their parents weren’t much better and c) up until today her brother had thought she was the same. Maddie, in turn, tells him about Doug, who Buck had met when their were dating and she spares no detail about the way in which he treated her and the mess that had been her divorce. No sooner is she done than he feels her ribs being crushed by the massive hug her brother is giving her, he’s muttering in her ear “I knew you hadn’t left me, I just didn’t know what else to think when you never replied”. Once their embrace was broken, they decided how they were going to brooch the issue with the 118, Maddie wanted to tell all and have it over, however, respected when buck said he didn’t want too many details about his past with the SEALs disclosed yet, so they agreed to say that they were siblings and that Maddie’s abusive husband had broken off contact between them and leave it at that.

Later that night, lying in bed, Buck ponders the events that unfolded at the barbecue. It had initially been really awkward, however, the 118 were a nice crew and knew from the exhausted looks on both Buck and Maddie’s faces not to pry too much. Buck slowly drifted off into a fitful sleep, in which he relived the final months before joining the seals.


	7. “Evan” Begins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is just a little interlude into the story, explaining Buck’s depression, loneliness and his relationship with his now estranged family. It is designed to come out as he talks to Frank, the therapist Bobby recommended.

“Good afternoon Buck, how are you?” This is Evan Buckley’s third meeting with Frank, and although he hated the idea of a therapist initially, Buck honestly does not know how he managed being in the SEALs and doing what he did without one. This is the first session in which they are actually able to delve into his life, however, as in the first session they just set out a calendar for future appointments and discussed Buck’s aims and the second session was spent talking over a rescue that had gone wrong and that had left Buck pretty rattled. He trusted Frank though, feeling he was ready to divulge in full all of the pent up anger and hurt that he felt. 

Frank let’s the younger man get settled, before asking him if there’s anything he wants to talk about. Frank is surprised when Buck starts talking about his father, as he thought the majority of their sessions would be based upon the SEALs, given he’d had to submit to an enhanced background check before seeing Buck. Frank rolls with what Buck’s saying though, allowing him to vent his story...

27th April 1991.   
“Congratulations Mrs Buckley, you have a wonderful baby boy”. Evan Buckley arrived in this world screaming his lungs off at 3:30 am on the 27th April 1991 and was perfect. He completed the Buckley family in the eyes of the ever traditional and overly conservative Patricia and David who wanted a male heir to take everything when they passed on. Buck grew up under immense scrutiny from day one, he had to be the perfect man: smart, sporty, popular with girls (but not too popular) and as he got older his parents gradually demanded more and more of him. Maybe he had once aspired to be the person they wanted him to be, and sure he enjoyed the attention they gave him when he did well, but they had a very different side if he or his sister ever did anything wrong. Buck’s father was a brute when angry, sure State Senator David Buckley appeared saintly on the outside, but he was tough as nails behind closed doors. Still Maddie and Buck had learnt how to please him, making sure to always land high scores in tests and to only try out for teams they knew they would make, this became the way they lived because if they ever did anything wrong their father would shout them into submission, before beating them to compound the idea of their wrongdoing. Buck supposes that is why he managed hell week so easily, minus the lack of sleep and showers, hell week had been his entire life.

Things didn’t really go wrong for Buck, however, until one night when sixteen year old Evan Buckley had gone out on a date. His parents didn’t mind, provided he was back in early and wasn’t going anywhere dodgy - in fact his father encouraged it. Evan told himself for months after that he had never actually lied to them as, when they asked the name of who he was going out with, he had responded truthfully, saying their name was Alex so it was their fault that this mysterious Alex was a he and not a she. Buck enjoyed it and learnt a lot about himself through the incredibly short relationship, mainly that he thought guys were hot and that he had denied it for too long. He was just walking back to his house, in time to be home for his half ten curfew, (he had pushed for longer, but he didn’t have it as bad as his older sister who had to be home by half nine but that’s overly conservative parents for you) when Alex pulled him in for a kiss before parting ways, Buck felt like his world was on fire, it felt good, it felt natural and it was definitely something he wanted to repeat, in fact it felt so good that he didn’t notice his father’s car driving past. He was still on a high from the kiss when he walked in the front door, so didn’t notice the bag packed and sitting in the hallway and didn’t pick up on the hints Maddie was giving him about maybe being tired and wanting to go to bed either. He walked into the kitchen before offering a cheery hello to his parents to which his father replied with a slap across the face, Buck was reeling and when he finally gathered himself enough to look around He realised that he had seriously misread the room, his mother was wiping tears from her eyes and his father looked like his world had been turned upside down, then David Buckley began shouting. “You know what you could have done to my career if anyone had seen you, your deviant ways could bring me down, they could destroy me, they could destroy this” he said gesticulating wildly around the room, “so, young man, you are going to go and stay with your grandmother in Kentucky for the rest of the summer, where, hopefully you will be able to learn about why you are so selfish and understand why we don’t want a faggot in the family”. “Oh and also”, his father said in a much more upbeat tone “give me your phone, you don’t need it now school’s off”. His grandmother, who was normally so kind to Evan arrived later that night, she did not, however, hug ‘her favourite Buckley’ as soon as she saw him, instead telling him to take his suitcase out to the car and wait whilst he spoke to his parents. 

The summer he spent in Kentucky with gran was awful, the subject of the kiss was never brought up again, but it hung thick in the air for the two months he spent there, Evan was alone and isolated, he had no friends in Kentucky and no way of contacting the people he had left behind in Pennsylvania. Eventually he resigned himself to doing hard, menial tasks around his grandmother’s garden, which at least earned him some brownie points back, however, he knew that he would never be seen in the same way by his family again.

After the holidays, when he eventually returned ‘home’ his father pulled him aside, it was an open secret at this point that Evan wanted to serve in the military and it was another thing that his father hated him for behind closed doors, but pretended to love in public. David Buckley said in no uncertain terms that if he ever saw his son with a boy again he would go to the recruiting centre and tell them about it if Evan ever enlisted. This struck fear into the core of the boy who at this point just wanted to escape, that’s why he worked hard, as always, for the next two years, earning an offer from Brown and an offer from Harvard to study engineering. He knew he was never going to accept the offers if he could avoid it, but his father was pleased nonetheless. 

Again the mood was dropped when Evan came home one day saying he had enlisted as an officer cadet with the Navy SEALs and was due to leave for Coronado in six months time to start his training. His father was enraged, meanwhile his mother sat crying in the sitting room saying her son was “throwing away his life and education”. David Buckley was even more tactless, screaming at Buck who just stood there and took it, before threatening to kick him out, saying “Well mr I want to be in the most elite fighting force in the world, maybe you should hone your survival skills for, let’s say the next six months”. His father didn’t mean it, not because he loved his son, but because he knew his career would be finished if he actually went through with it, however, he did tell his son to pack a bag and even forced him out the door, slamming it in his face. David Buckley stood there in the hall for five whole minutes, expecting to hear frantic knocking on the door and distressed apologies. He told himself that he was a reasonable man - he would let his son back in, provided he agreed to rescind his application to the Navy. Eventually curiosity gave way and he opened the door, realising how it would look if his son had to camp outside the house all night. He was not expecting to see the street outside the Buckley residence totally deserted. Evan had gone to the nearest phone box and called Maddie as soon as the door had closed, he explained the situation to her and she immediately rushed down to pick him up, she found him sitting next to the phone box, sobbing, and realised she had to console her brother before taking him to the house she shared with Doug so he could spend the night. He can only wonder whether his parents slept a wink that night, but he knew he had scared them. Patricia, his mother arrived in her car the next morning to pick him up and take him home, she was all kindness, asking him the ins and outs of what his training would be, and telling him she was proud that he was going to be a SEAL. His parents had never talked like that to him, never, they hadn’t even said they were proud when he got his offer from Harvard, so he knew they were scared about the scandal he could have created. Like all of the Buckley’s problems, the issue was never talked about again and Evan went to training six months later, never looking back until he invited them to his graduation. 

Evan finished by saying “I invited them, but they never came - sometimes I wonder if I have just become another one of the inconveniences they never talk about”. 

Frank was stunned into silence by this revelation, he and Evan had gone well over their allotted hour, but Frank didn’t stop him mid story, he let him continue describing all of the pain from his childhood and honestly Frank thought Evan was traumatised. Heck Frank felt traumatised from just listening to it. He told Buck some coping strategies that might help him and said that repairing the bond with his sister was definitely something he should do. He also just felt that at the end he had to say, Evan, don’t take into account what they thought, because from what I can see you are a very impressive man who they should be proud to call their son, and never let anyone tell you otherwise.


	8. You should tell them

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maddie and Buck are repairing their relationship and learning that life hasn’t been plain sailing for either of them. Also an incident leaves the crew very confused when Buck has to help Hen triage a French national who had an accident on holiday. Finally, Buck drops a bombshell about his past. Also we are now set one month in advance of the last chapter, so it is December and Christmas is around the corner.

“You really should tell them Evan”.  
“I know Mads, it’s just the time to do so has passed and I don’t want to make Eddie feel awkward. It’s something I should have told them on my first day and because I didn’t it’s going to be weird if I tell them now, they’ll think I was keeping it secret and won’t trust me”.  
“Aren’t you keeping it secret now?”  
“Shut up with your big sister logic”, *laughing* “you know I will, I’m just scared they won’t believe me or will treat me differently because of it”. 

The Buckley’s, ever since their reunion, have made a point of scheduling a once weekly coffee. They feel like they have missed so much of each other’s lives that they never want to miss anything between each other again. Their first morning was definitely tense, however, Buck cut the awkward silence between them immediately. He told Maddie that she had no need to be annoyed with herself for not contacting him after the way Doug manipulated her, in fact he said that if anyone should be sorry it was him, Buck should have tried harder to make contact, but instead closed himself off. After that they talked avidly over their coffees for hours, catching up on each other’s lives, Buck explaining his time with the SEALs and telling her about the unclassified funny bits of his service, and Maddie telling him about how she switched from nursing to become a 911 operator after Doug and that she absolutely loves her new job. The conversation quickly turned to Jamie, immediately Maddie wanted to learn about who her brother in law was, what he liked and even asked Buck to bring a picture to their next meeting if he had one. She also said that the next time he went to Coronado that she wanted to visit with him and see the grave. The siblings continued talking until an hour before Buck’s shift was due to start and he had to excuse himself, picking up the bill on the way out. Maddie’s parting words to him were “tell them”.

Arriving at the station, punctual as always, Buck heads to his office to be alone with his thoughts before work. He is sitting there as Bobby walks in, over the past month, Bobby has effectively become Buck’s adoptive father and the two have a very strong bond despite their short time knowing each other. Buck isn’t overly worried when the captain walks in unannounced, but he becomes slightly anxious though, when Bobby invites him to his and Athena’s for Christmas Day which is coming up later that month. Buck knows he wants to go, like, really wants to, but he says no, saying that although he’d love to, Christmas hasn’t been a very easy time of year for him in quite a while and he doesn’t want the team catching on. Bobby nods, before echoing Maddie’s words, saying “you do know that I was initially terrified of telling them about losing my family, but when I did, the fact that the people around me knew what would be going through my head on certain days and didn’t question when I put in for leave on anniversaries and birthdays really helped”. Anyway, you should think about Christmas and if you change your mind there is always enough food in the Grant-Nash household to feed an army and if you’re good we could include a Navy in that too. “Thanks Bobby”.

1 hour into Buck’s shift:  
“Vehicle collision on coopers avenue, two cars some serious injuries, LAPD already on scene”.  
“Ok, tell LAPD we’re on our way”. 

Buck is directing his truck into a suitable parking space and sees Bobby’s pull in just behind him, before the two men jump out of their trucks and speak to Athena to see what’s happening. She quickly briefs them on what happened leading up to the accident and points out the most seriously affected vehicle, saying there’s a man inside and they need to get him out. Bobby sends Eddie and Davids over to pry open the doors, before grabbing Buck and getting him to help on the other car. Hen and Chim run over as soon as Eddie pulls the delirious man out of his car and start trying to triage him, however, all they can get him to say is “J’ai cassé me jambe”. At this point Hen has deduced that what they mistook for delirium is actually French and she digs back into her rudimentary understanding of the language from school, eventually figuring out that he’s claiming to have broken something. She quickly shouts over to Bobby, asking for a translator, and then says she can’t move the man until one arrives, Buck immediately runs over, having just ripped the door off the car and asks what they think he is speaking, before rattling off a response in French, confirming the man is speaking the language. He then tells Hen to tell him what she needs to know and puts it over to french so the man can answer, before responding to Hen in English. Although initially dubious, the fact that Buck can speak the language without an American accent quickly tells Hen he knows what he is doing and she rolls with the idea, eventually getting the now calmed man into the ambulance with Buck’s help. 

When she arrives back to the station Hen has quite a few questions which Buck tactfully fields, telling her that he has always loved languages and is fluent in French, German, Spanish, Arabic and Dari as well as being conversational in Russian, Polish and Italian (the fact that all of these countries are either NATO members or regions of military interest do not appear to strike anyone as odd). Hen stood in the kitchen looking dumbfounded and Chim nearly choked on his coffee, “Evan Buckley, you cannot be able to speak that many languages, I simply do not believe it - next thing you’ll be telling us is that you went to Harvard”. Buck couldn’t resist at this point, he loves the face Chim makes when he is proven wrong, so he just said “well, I didn’t go, but I did get offers from Brown and Harvard”. Chim subsequently looks like he’s just been told that Buck is President of the United States, and at that moment Buck just wants to share his story, however, he tells himself that he doesn’t want to darken the mood, so leaves it for another time. Truthfully, he was just too scared to.

The day goes on, and proves to be quite boring with only minor calls, one quite literally being rescuing a cat from a tree, so, twelve hours into the 24hr shift Buck heads to the bunks for some rest. He lies thinking about how close he had come to telling them everything and his heart hammers in his chest, he wants to tell, he really does. Then he hears the bet on his unit in the military being edited, Chim no longer believes in the Marine theory, instead suggesting he was a ranger, whilst Hen opts for Naval force protection. Buck decides then that he’s going to tell them everything other than about Eddie, his therapy has really helped him and he knows better than to make the team distrust one of its members in the name of revenge, especially not for an honest mistake. Buck decides there and then, he is going to put Hen and Chim out of their misery, slowly he rises out of bed and walks towards the communal sitting area where Hen, Chim Bobby and Eddie are. Buck sits down, intending on telling them everything.

“Hey guys, I just want to apologise to you, I haven’t been totally upfront with everyone here about my past, in fact Bobby is the only person here who knows anything about my life before the 118 and I know that it’s not right to keep secrets in this line of work, so I’m going to tell you everything”. “When I arrived I told you I was in the military, but I didn’t say what branch”. Buck fishes out his dog tags from under his shirt, not caring that the ring is on them - after all, he’s going to tell everything anyway “For eight years between 2010 and 2018, I was a Navy SEAL”...


	9. You were a what?!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buck tells all to his teammates and accidentally upsets Eddie in the process.

“You were a what?!”

“Yes Hen, for eight years, I was an officer in the Navy SEALs”.

“I don’t believe it Buck, you’re too soft, there’s no way you were a SEAL”

“Well Chim, if you don’t believe me”, Buck takes his dog tags off, showing the small black plates around and hoping no one comments on the ring which of course they can all see at this point. Sure enough the tags read:  
BUCKLEY   
EVAN D  
AB POS  
543 43 6428  
USN SEALS   
NO RELIGIOUS PREFERENCE  
Chim is so shocked by what he’s seeing he has to confirm it one final time “Seriously, are these actually Navy SEAL tags?”, Buck laughing now, says “yes they’re real, trust me I wouldn’t make it up”. He thinks he’s got past the awkward questions when Hen starts fiddling with the ring and asks “Buck, are you married?”. 

Immediately the crew sees Eddie blanch, before asking if he can excuse himself, claiming he has stomach trouble, before adding “for what it’s worth, I’ve seen a few SEAL tags in my time and those are real” and running off to the bathroom. Buck also looks pale since his marriage was mentioned, but quickly recovers, saying “yes, I was, for three years until my husband was killed in Afghanistan in 2014” We would have been eight years married next February”. He looks up, to see that all of the 118 look heartbroken for their youngest member, with Hen giving him a hug after his statement. Buck, however, knows that if he doesn’t continue talking he might never find the courage to start again and goes on to talk about their secret courtship during the ‘don’t ask don’t tell’ years, during which he can see Hen shaking her head, half in amusement at their exploits and half in disgust at the system. Eddie quietly walks back into the room and listens to Buck, “we were terrified, it really would have been a total let down, thirty minutes in the SEALs before being dismissed by dishonourable discharge, and then the commandant just smiled and told us he didn’t care and that our abilities had got us both places on a special operations unit together.” The team are laughing now as Evan continues talking, going on to how he had proposed in the back of a helicopter in Afghanistan, apparently the proposal was more romantic than it sounds, and because they were going off active duty for a few days afterwards, Buck had arranged for champagne to be waiting when the helicopter landed. As he was talking Buck caught Eddie’s eye and motioned silently for him to come and sit down, Eddie nodded and although slightly distressed, he appreciated that Buck hadn’t outed his mistake to the team. 

Chim then demanded war stories, insensitive and blunt as usual - Eddie appeared to have got used to this by now, but Buck didn’t want to discuss his service much and had a weapon that Eddie didn’t. “I’m afraid almost everything I did is heavily classified, but by all means try again in fifty years”, Buck chuckles. The final thing Hen asks him is how Evan Buckley managed to do the job of a Captain, because she honestly can’t see the man being able to manage sitting at a desk for any longer than fifteen minutes. He laughed again and said it was hard, but he was ambitious then, having got a lot of promotions and had his sights set on rising to the top of the ladder, until Jamie died, after which he just wanted to leave the service. Hen ponders his comment for a minute, before asking “Were you there, on the operation where Jamie died?”. Buck just nodded before telling her it had been his mission and that it had all gone wrong, leading to him being the only surviving officer out of the five who had gone in. He also tells her he was almost killed too, getting shot in his right thigh.

“Left actually”. Eddie Diaz shocks himself, he had been running the events of the attack through his mind as Buck was talking and had just reached the terrifying point where he saw the mountain that was Commander Buckley fall to the ground in pain, when Buck had made the factual error. Immediately Eddie pulls a face and ponders saying he’d seen the scar in the locker room, however, he thought that would sound weird, so avoided it, instead choosing to be brave like Buck and tell the truth about his Silver Star. The team are all now staring at him, and Buck is looking aghast, clearly blaming himself for what is about to happen. Eddie Diaz knows the 118 will no longer see him in the same way, however, he has nowhere to hide from their scrutiny now so he puts on a brave face and fills in the details Buck left out. 

Eddie starts with when he first found out about the call and doesn’t stop until his emotions cause him to break down over the gunfight that he ran into. Buck comes over and sits next to him, draping an arm over his shoulders before picking up where Eddie left off, describing how he’d called in another two units of ten men and two helicopter gunships he can tell it still feels weird for the team, who didn’t realise he had this side in him, however, he continued talking about how he’d taken Eddie to the worst area of fighting and told him to start working with his team there before running back to the front of the compound to organise a raiding party. Eddie then tried to convey the shock he had felt when he saw the five man strong raiding team come back covered in splatters of other people’s blood, only to see Buck standing talking to their leader as if nothing had happened. 

Then they can skirt around the issue no more and Eddie starts talking about the sniper, saying how he had been paralysed with fear when the first shot rang out, before running to Buck’s aid when he got hit in the second burst. Eddie then says that he had seen the second in command, Jamie fall to the ground, shot, and immediately set to work on prepping him for transport. Then his emotions hold out no longer saying “I killed him, I killed Buck’s husband because I made a mistake in his treatment!”. Buck immediately squeezes his shoulder, before saying that the Taliban insurgent who had pulled the trigger killed Jamie and that Eddie made a call, in a high pressure situation that didn’t pan out as he had hoped, the death was not his fault, as Eddie’s silver star proves. 

Simultaneously at the police precinct:  
Sergeant David Morrison walks into Athena’s department, hoping against hope that she’s there. He needs to tell her to warn Bobby that Buck is about to tell the team about his past as a SEAL. He finally sees Athena, and sits in the chair by her desk, only to be fixed with a glare. “You knew he was going to tell everyone about the SEALs, you knew and you didn’t warn us!” 

“Whoa, wait a minute sergeant Grant, I came straight over when he sent the message to our group chat, look.” He showed her his phone and sure enough there was the message, accompanied by a tiny thumbnail of a twenty year old Buck with all his equipment in a desert uniform, it was dated fifteen minutes ago and that would fit the drive from SWAT HQ to the precinct. Athena quickly apologises, realising that this time she was actually in the wrong and says that it apparently went well, although Eddie is apparently in a bit of a state. Morrison’s hands curl into fists at the name and Athena quickly tells him to quit it, “Buck and Eddie have made their peace, don’t you go exacerbating the problem just because you can - he was Buck’s husband, not yours”. 

“He was my best friend first, Wilkinson and I were the ones that told them to get their heads out of their arses and anyway, there’s no bond like the one developed by going through hell week together”. 

“Sorry but no, I will warn Bobby not to let you into the firehouse without a warrant if you can’t accept it was a mistake”

“I know it was a mistake, but SEALs don’t make mistakes, everyone around us does and yet we’re the ones who always end up dead because of them” *crying* 

Athena suddenly realises that it’s not a personal thing against Eddie, it’s the bitterness surrounding the poor quality of intelligence they were provided with that is causing the SEAL to get so emotional and she tells him as much. He just nods and says he’ll try, before Athena gives him her phone number, saying “I want pictures of my boy”. 

Back at the station:  
Buck asks Bobby, Hen and Chim to give him and Eddie a minute and as soon as they leave he wraps his arms around the man he once hated and tells him not to blame himself, and says that he is sorry for being so horrible about it afterwards, confessing that it was more of a method to avoid blaming himself than anything else. Eddie nods, and extends his hand, muttering the word, “truce?” To which Buck says yes and shakes his hand. The team are careful around the two men for the rest of the shift, realising that they had gone through a lot when they let them in on their pasts. Buck and Eddie stick together for the rest of the shift, despite not really being ‘friends’ they both derive comfort from each other regarding Jamie’s death. 

Bobby and Athena’s house:  
Bobby and Athena are lying in bed talking about the two men, with Bobby saying that he was impressed at how far Buck and Eddie had come. Athena then remembers the photos that David had given her and shows them to Bobby, they range from Buck’s passing out of Coronado, right up to his retirement lunch and for the first half of them, there is always another man with him, who they can only assume is Jamie. They see the two men giving each other their promotions, until Buck’s last one to captain, where he just gets the eagle pinned to the front of his uniform by his commanding officer. The photos are truly heartbreaking and both Bobby and Athena are in tears looking at them. Just before turning the light off, Athena tells Bobby that he better re invite Buck to theirs for Christmas, now that he has no excuse to turn them down. Bobby nods in agreement

Next Day:  
Bobby wanders into Buck’s office to ask if he’s ok and to extend the Christmas invite once more, Buck immediately accepts this time, saying he’s honoured that they would think to include him. He also tells the captain that he was right and that he’s glad he finally told the team, to which Bobby relies, “funny you should say that, because Eddie approached me earlier with the exact same realisation”.

Things are really starting to look up for Buck and Eddie, and at long last because they both really deserve their happiness. TBC


	10. Merry Christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The 118 celebrate Christmas and Buck heads down to Coronado to rebuild his relationship with his old team.

24th December 2018  
“Right everyone that’s our shift over, have a lovely Christmas and I look forward to seeing everyone on the 27th”  
“Merry Christmas Cap”

“Buck, what time are you able to be down at tomorrow?”  
“Well Bobby, I want to give you and your family some time before I turn up, and I’m also going to be at church that morning, so how does 12 noon sound?”  
“Sounds great, see you then, Night Buck”  
“Night Bobby”.

25th December 2018

7am Grant-Nash household  
“Mum! Bobby! It’s Christmas!” Harry happily runs into his parents bedroom, waking them up so he can see what Santa brought, Bobby just chuckles at the boy before getting up alongside Athena and running into the sitting room with him. They spend that morning unwrapping presents before eating their breakfast and heading out to Church. They pulled up at 10 o’clock and Athena was surprised when she saw Buck’s bright yellow mustang sitting in the car park, not having him down as overly religious.

They walked in and saw Buck sitting waiting for the service to start and walked over to sit with him. Athena who was certain that she hadn’t seen Buck in the church before asked him why he came, to which he replied “Jamie and I always went to Church on Christmas Day, even when we were on deployment, so I like to continue the tradition”, a tear appeared at the corner of Buck’s eye and Athena immediately gave him a hug, saying how she thought it was a lovely thing to do. After the service they confirmed plans, before Buck set off home to video call Jamie’s family who lived in New York. 

Once he was done, he got changed and headed off to Bobby and Athena’s house. 

12 o’clock Grant-Nash house  
“Bobby, kids, Buck’s here”  
“Hi Athena, thank you for inviting me down”  
“We’re glad to have you Buck, come on in, everyones round the back”

“Hi Buck!” Buck is greeted by Bobby, May, Harry and Michael, who called in for a visit, as he walks into the kitchen, where Bobby is cooking up a storm.   
“Hi! Happy Christmas”  
Athena then walks over to buck and says that they have a gift for him, before giving him a medium sized package, wrapped up in paper so he can’t see what’s inside.   
Bobby turns to him and says “go on, open it” and when buck opens it he sees one of his favourite photos smiling up at him, he’s overcome with emotion.  
He immediately turns round and asks “where did you get that?” To which Athena replied that Sgt Morrison had sent the photos to her and that she thought they would make a lovely album.  
Buck just nods, pulling her in for a hug before flicking through the pages of photographs, until he reaches the middle, after which the book is blank.  
Bobby just pulls him in for a hug and says “that’s for your new memories and to remind you that you do have a family, now what do you say to getting your first new memory committed to paper!” Bobby produces his phone and gives it to Michael who is quick in taking a photograph of the Grant-Nash family with Buck.   
Buck is crying at this point as he gives Athena another hug, thanking her for the incredibly thoughtful present. 

Later that day, once they had all eaten their fill of Bobby’s delicious roast turkey and had watched some tv, Buck decides he should go, saying that he thinks Bobby and Athena should have some time to enjoy their first Married Christmas together. Before he can leave, Bobby asks if he wants to come down the next day, Boxing Day, however, he says no - “thanks Bobby but I’m taking Maddie down to Coronado, she wants to go to the grave and I always like to get at some point in the Christmas period so we’re going to head down tomorrow before calling in with some old friends for lunch”.   
“Ok Buck, drive safe, as much as we love you, I don’t want to have to see you in a professional capacity until the 27th”   
“Ok, night Bobby, Athena”

26th December 2018

Buck gets up early, cleaning himself up and calling Carlos to tell him that they’ll be there about 11 o’clock before leaving his apartment at 8:30. He immediately heads across town for Maddie and picks her up ten minutes later. They set off on their two hour long trip then, arriving at Coronado by 11. Buck pulls up to the gate before leaving his car and showing their pass to the guard who sharply salutes and let’s them in. It feels strange for Maddie to think of her little brother in that capacity and her day gets even stranger as practically everyone they see addresses him as ‘sir’ or ‘Captain Buckley’. She’ll later find out that her brother is a bit of a legend with the SEALs. 

Once they finish the short walk to the graveyard, Buck makes his way over to Jamie with practiced ease, the kind that comes from repeating an action so many times that it becomes second nature. Maddie’s heart breaks at the thought of Buck having to face this alone. The she is snapped out of her thoughts by Buck turning to her and saying, “Mads, I want you to meet Jamie”. They spend about half an hour at the grave, Buck cleaning the headstone and switching out the flowers for fresh ones, whilst Maddie stands, reading the inscription on the headstone. As with all Navy SEAL information, it’s deliberately nondescript, however, Maddie sees the navy cross carved into the stone and asks Buck if it had anything to do with the day he died. A haunted look comes across his face, before he just shakes his head “no that was another mission but it was BAD”. They’re interrupted by Carlos and Emily’s arrival, the commandant and his wife were eager to meet Maddie and when Emily sees her looking a little overwhelmed, she pulls her to the side and says “look, I was a marine and I’m shocked by what these guys do, don’t beat yourself up for not understanding everything about his career, cause you’ll never know everything and even if he wanted to tell you, he isn’t allowed to”. 

The two women are interrupted by Carlos shouting over that they’re going to head back to their house for some lunch, all four of them pile into the staff car, (fortunately it’s a short drive, because it was a tight fit), arriving at the commandant’s house five minutes later. Carlos pulls Maddie aside this time, warning her about the surprise waiting for Buck when they go in,  
“Maddie, I just wanted to say to you that we’ve arranged for most of Buck’s old unit to be waiting in the house for him, we realise he’s been through a lot and we just want him to know that we’re there for him”.  
Maddie just nods “ok that sounds like a nice thought, I’ll just stick next to him in case he’s overwhelmed”.

They walk in the door and about twenty men and a few women appear, shouting “surprise!”...


	11. Surprise!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Picking up from Buck walking into Carlos and Emily’s house to see his old team waiting for him. Maddie learns a lot about her brother’s service, including the reason why he and Jamie were Navy SEAL legends. Buck is emotional, he shut his team out, but they’re still there for him - a true family.

“Surprise!”  
“What! I thought you were all on deployment!”  
“Well Buck they were, but I pulled a few strings, I realised that you maybe needed a reminder that we’re here for you”.  
“Thanks Carlos, it really means a lot”.  
Buck starts working his way around the room, emotionally hugging past friends and telling them about his new life as a firefighter in LA. 

It is then that Emily produces the photo album, walking over to a surprised Maddie with the large book. When Buck told us you’d be coming I went up into the attic and dug some photos out. We all now know why you weren’t able to go to any of Buck’s professional and personal milestones, but I thought you’d enjoy seeing some of them so we put this together for you. Maddie looks through the book enthralled, she’s seen some of the photos before, however, most of them are new to her. The book chronicles Buck’s entire career, including a few pictures taken in secret during the don’t ask don’t tell years. He and Jamie made a cute couple, that’s all she could say, and she hated the fact that despite their clear happiness in the photos there was still a sense of fear of getting caught in their eyes. Fortunately for Buck, he only had to live under the oppressive policy until 2011, rather than his whole life, as was the case for all of those who had gone before him. There is a clear division between the pre 2011 photos and the post 2011 ones, with Buck and Jamie being quite inseparable for the remainder of the book. There are then the wedding photos - to see her brother and brother in law standing proud in their Navy whites brought a tear to her eye and the first dance between the two had the same effect a moment later. Then Maddie is floored, she turns the page to see a very battered looking Buck standing next to an even worse looking Jamie, both in uniform and having little blue ribbons pinned to their chests. Maddie turns to Emily to ask about it and she is immediately told that they both won the Navy cross for their actions during a raid in 2012 and that any other information should come from Buck but she shouldn’t go around talking about it as bits of the raid were still heavily classified. The book goes on, documenting the careers of the two men over the years of their marriage and then Maddie’s heart feels broken in two when Jamie just suddenly disappears from the photos - she knows it is not a coincidence that Buck’s smile disappears too. She feels the gut-wrenching sadness when there is no one there to pin his final promotion and is surprised when she sees her brother, Evan Buckley, standing in full dress uniform in front of the White House. She immediately turns to Emily and surprised, asks “what was he doing there?”. “He was accepting an award on behalf of his unit, keep flicking through the pages and you’ll see the one with him and the President”.   
Maddie feels floored, her brother was clearly very good at what he did, very good, if he got offered this honour and she voiced as much to Emily who just replied with “yes, yes he was. I’ll tell you one thing, if he’d kept applying for promotions, this would have been his house, not ours”.

Buck is still walking around the room when he sees his sister sitting looking at the album with Emily. He makes a mental note to tell her to keep the photos in there secret from the 118, he doesn’t want to be blacklisted from the SEALs, even if he has no wish to rejoin. He makes his way over to them, just in time to see his photo from the White House, he wished he’d had Jamie there that day - he knew the other man would have loved it and because of that Buck would have loved it if he’d been there. When Emily sees him, she immediately stops talking to Maddie and says “don’t get jealous, we have a present for you too. She immediately produces a small envelope which he immediate rips open, it contains tickets to the annual Gala for his unit - one of the few things he had really missed from the SEALs and is moved by the fact that Emily and Carlos thought of it. He responds telling them that he’s really pleased by the tickets and will definitely be attending the event. “We know you Evan Buckley and we know that you’re a sucker for a nice party”  
“I’m honestly not going to deny it”  
Maddie and Buck stay for another couple of hours, before leaving at eight-ish because of the long drive home. When they eventually get back to the car at the gate and turn out of the base, Maddie brings up the subject of the medal and despite Buck trying to close the conversation down, she keeps going, saying   
“Eddie talks about his silver star, why won’t you talk about your Navy cross”  
Buck, annoyed at this point, just replied “firstly the reason I got it is classified and secondly, I doubt many people would be able to stomach what I had to do to get it”  
Maddie just apologised before saying, I’m sorry but you know you can tell me if you want to. It’s as if a switch went off in Buck and he just turned to her and said “didn’t realise you were on the joint chiefs of staff or NSC” before staying silent the remainder of the journey. When he dropped Maddie home, she apologised to him again and said she wouldn’t mention it again to which Buck just nodded appreciatively. 

Meanwhile, thousands of miles away in a classified war zone, a Navy SEAL team has finally made their way back to camp, five casualties and two bodies in tow. They had been out on a mission on the 23rd and had been shot out of the sky that same day. Their helicopter had crashed into an ISIS stronghold and the team had been forced to fight their way out. It had been a gruelling and brutal experience, especially without their commander, John Wilkinson who had been killed in the crash, however, they had done it and had never been so glad to see the base in their life upon their return. 

Wilkinson’s family had been notified and they reached out to all his old friends and colleagues in the following days, leading to Evan Buckley getting an unexpected phone call at the station five days later.   
“Hello, can I speak to Captain Evan Buckley please”  
“Hello, that’s me, although if you phone here again it’s probably better to ask for lieutenant Buckley, as I’m now with the LAFD”  
“I’m very sorry sir, however, a colleague of yours died last week on a mission and his family asked us to phone and invite you to the funeral on the seventh of January. Can I put you down as attending?”  
“Uhh, I’ll need to book the time off, but given the circumstances I’d say I’ll get it so yes please do put me down as attending”  
“Ok sir, it’s going to be held at Arlington National Cemetery in Washington D.C, do you need help arranging transport or can you make your own way”  
“I’ll be fine making my own way, I presume the dress code is full dress uniform?”  
“Yes it will be sir, again I’m sorry for the loss”

Buck immediately runs into Bobby’s office to book the time off, which he gets as expected before returning to his office and e-mailing John’s widow, offering his condolences. 

Once his shift is over Buck heads home to get his uniform out of his wardrobe to bring it to the dry cleaners the next morning and grabs his medals from their drawer to polish them. He knows the funeral isn’t for a few days, but he wants to be able to put it from his mind, as it will be his first time in uniform since leaving the SEALs. He also makes sure to get a flight out to D.C.

Seven days later  
Buck wakes up at one in the morning to get changed into his uniform before the flight. There is something oddly comfortable about putting the familiar clothes on once more, despite the sense of sadness he feels as the memories of Jamie are all brought back once more. He is about to walk out the door and head to the airport when he realises he left his wallet in the drawer of his desk at the station. Given the wallet contains his ID he knows he doesn’t have a choice other than to go to the station for it, so diverts to the 118, hoping that no one will see him in his captain’s uniform. Of course he has absolutely no luck and the station have just got back from a call as he runs in, earning himself a wolf whistle from Hen and Chim who are the only ones who didn’t know about the funeral, a glare and a whisper form Bobby made the teasing stop quite quickly though, as they apologised and asked why he was stopping by. “Forgot my wallet” he pants before I running into his office, medals clinking as he goes. 10 seconds later he runs out victorious before saying his goodbyes and running to his car, not wanting to miss the flight. 

Once Buck was safely out of earshot Hen quickly said “Did any of you see Buck’s chest when he ran in here, because I did and I could have sworn he was wearing a Navy cross”...


	12. So tell us, what did you do to get that?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buck attends the funeral and comes back to a very curious 118. The first blossoms of a friendship with Eddie also occur as the man defends him from their probing coworkers, knowing what it’s like to never want to talk about your medal.

“Go easy on him, I hate talking about my medal and it’s not just because Jamie died, it’s because I still have nightmares from what I saw. Seriously go easy on him because if you don’t he’ll just close down on you, or worse, close down on his therapist”.

“Hen, Chim. Eddie’s right - if we want to learn anything we have to be careful. Don’t bombard him with questions, but anyway what do you think he did to get it?”

“Bobby, I don’t think you understood what I said there. Let him tell you when he feels ready”

Hen then butted in, “I’m sure it wasn’t as bad as you think it was Eddie”

“I don’t know about the Navy cross, but it’s army equivalent, the distinguished service cross requires courage under fire at great risk of severe personal injury or death - if you want to pry into that be my guest, but don’t come crying when it blows up in your face”

“Ok Eddie, but we need to know what level of badass we’re dealing with here”, joked Chimney

“You guys are impossible! You didn’t learn from bombarding me with questions and you’re now going to do the same to him. Every time I wear my medal or am asked about it, I’m brought back to the sheer terror I felt that day. He will also most certainly be the same and do you know what could make it even worse?! He was a SEAL, chances are he’s not even allowed to talk about why he got it so you’re going to go and drag all those memories back up just for him to have no outlet for them that does not involve a stint in FEDERAL PRISON!”

“Right Eddie, I get that you’re emotional, but I’ll not let them give him a hard time about it. If he doesn’t want to talk he can come to me and file a complaint, but unless he does that, it’s fair game because they saw him wearing it”

“It’s part of his fucking uniform, of course he was wearing it, that doesn’t mean he wants to talk about it! You are all disgraces if you can’t realise that by now!”

Arlington National Cemetery, seven hours later:  
Buck remembers all of the funerals he’s had to attend in his short life, all of the faces that used to smile and laugh that were now being buried by their loved ones after some monster killed them in a war zone. He feels a tear prick his eye as the salute is fired, he remembers the feeling of finality that he felt when his Jamie was the one they were shooting over and it feels equally heart wrenching to see John’s wife and kids being presented with the flag, knowing the emptiness they will be feeling at that moment. As soon as the funeral is over he walks over to Kamala, Jessica and John jr. offering his condolences and giving them his number if they ever want to talk about it. They thank him before Kamala asks “Evan, does it ever get easier?”  
“Eventually, but you have lost a part of you today and it never returns to the way things once were. You just have to learn to go on until you don’t have to fake it anymore”  
He then pulls her into a hug saying that her husband was a great friend to him and that he didn’t deserve what happened. “Be proud of what he did, he’d have wanted that, the only thing more important to him that his job was the three of you”

When he eventually returns to his hotel, Buck phones Maddie, she told him to check in and is glad that he is OK. “I was sad Mads but if felt easier this time, I think it’s because I’ve finally found a place where I’m happy with the 118 and for that I will always be grateful to them”.  
“When are you flying home?”  
“I’m staying the night and flying back first thing tomorrow morning before my shift tomorrow night, it’ll be nice to see everyone from the 118 again, I need to forget I was a SEAL for a while and they let me do that”.

The next day 7pm - the start of Buck’ shift:  
“Soooo, Buck is there anything you want to tell us about your medals?”

“I’m sorry but what? Chim” 

Hen then chimes in “You know we saw it, when did you get the Navy Cross?”

“I honestly don’t want to talk about it, that funeral took a lot out of me”

“Come on, we’re your friends, we want to know so we can help you process”

“No you don’t, you’re just nosey bastards who want something new to gossip about! Come on Buck, I know it’s not your job but I need help cleaning in the truck”

“Thanks Eddie, I really don’t want to have to talk about it”.

“I get that, don’t feel you have to explain to me, but you might want to find someone you can talk about it with, because they’re going to keep trying to pull the details out of you”

For the rest of the shift, Eddie and Buck were literally in each other’s pockets - strength in numbers I suppose. Hen and Chim were being unbearable and Bobby was doing nothing to intervene, just letting them do their thing. The only person Buck had in his corner was Eddie, who was always there to pull him away when their questioning got to intense and then give them a piece of his mind as they were leaving. He had never been so thankful to work alongside the man he once hated. 

Then the call happened, it was relatively routine, a man had fallen in his kitchen and hurt himself. There was a bit of blood and plenty of screaming, but it wasn’t actually that serious, just painful. But because Buck had absolutely no luck, the man was a Navy Vet who had been awarded a (guess what) Navy cross for his actions in the Vietnam War. Jen and Chim immediately zeroed in on Buck when they saw the medal in its glass display box on the wall.  
“Why don’t you display your medal like that Buck?”

“Because I don’t want to Chim, now go back to work”

“Sorry, but it just seems a bit sad to hide it in a shoebox under your bed or something, you should be proud of it like he is”.

“Yeah I’m sure he wants to tell his story, don’t you sir?” Said Hen 

“Not really, it’s there to remind me of all the people I left behind” the man croaked, a tear developing in the corner of his eye.

“Hen, I’ve had enough of this, don’t quiz me about my Cross and definitely don’t quiz him about his!”

“Why, I’m just trying to build a rapport with the patient?”

Then Eddie buts in, “No you’re not, you’re just trying to wheedle information out of Buck by playing the peer pressure card, and I won’t let you”

As the team are leaving, with the man patched up and not requiring a trip to the hospital he stops Buck and Eddie.  
“I know two military guys when I see them, and you two definitely fit that bill, do they do this to you a lot?”

Eddie doesn’t give Buck a chance to reply, immediately saying “yeah, they were captivated by my silver star until Buck arrived when their attention turned to him being a SEAL...”

“And then they found out yesterday that I had a Navy cross and haven’t shut up about it since”

“People don’t understand military service until they’ve lived it, they think they do, but they don’t. Don’t let them get you down and most certainly don’t let them bully you into talking about things you’d rather leave unsaid, it’s not fair on you and it always brings back a trauma you once had buried. Also, can I have the name of your captain, because I’ll be filing a complaint with him for the way they acted”.

Buck was about to say that wasn’t necessary, but then Eddie stopped him, saying “Captain Robert Nash of station 118, you are well within your rights to complain and I’m very sorry on behalf of my colleagues for the way they treated you”. With that the pair leave, heading back to the fire truck. Before getting in, Eddie stops Buck saying that he too is going to file a complaint   
“not only do I think that it’s wrong what they’re doing to you, but they were totally unprofessional back there and need to be reminded that they can’t bring private matters into the job”

“Ok, thanks Eds” 

“No problem Buck”

The next day at the station:  
“Buck would you step into my office for a second?”  
“Sure Bobby, just let me grab my coffee and I’ll be in”  
“Oh and also, bring Diaz with you”

Two minutes later, Buck and Eddie walked into Bobby’s office, to see Bobby, the Brigade Chief and Fire Chief sitting waiting for them.  
“I’m pretty sure you realise what this is about at this point, today we received complaints from both of you and a patient you treated last night and we want to understand more about what happened”

Buck and Eddie immediately recount the events of the call, going over how Hen and Chim had been unprofessional when trying to find out information about Buck’s Navy Cross. Eddie then continues talking about how it isn’t the first time they acted in this fashion, with Chim even grilling him on his silver star when they were working in a burning building the previous year. The two Chiefs were sitting, taking all of this information in before they asked to speak to Buck and Bobby in private. As soon as Eddie had left, the Chiefs said that there was a very clear problem in the station and that Hen and Chim were to be suspended and sent on sensitivity training immediately. The Fire chief then apologised to Buck for their conduct on behalf of the department and asked him to extend the same apology to Eddie. 

The two men watched as Bobby next called Hen and Chim into his office, and Buck yet again thanked Eddie for standing up for him. A few minutes later Hen and Chim left the office, glaring down at the two of them before walking over to apologise and leaving the station. 

That night, when Chim went home to Maddie, he began to grill her on Buck’s history with the Navy, under the pretence of organising something for him and Eddie on Veterans Day later that year. Maddie agreed to show him the photo album that she had been given by Carlos and Emily, provided he promised not to remove any photographs as many of the people in them were still serving. Chimney read the book, enthralled and when he finally reached the page where Buck was awarded the Navy cross he recoiled, realising the trauma he had dug up. The picture showed Buck with cuts all over his face and on crutches, next to an equally injured Jamie, Chim immediately phoned Hen, telling her about what he had seen and she sounded as upset as he was. They had both only meant their quizzing in a fun way, but they realised now that whatever Buck had done, had been brutal and that he couldn’t live with those memories being dragged up again. Hen let out a choked up sob as Chim continued to describe the injuries, realising the damage they had caused to their friendship with the lieutenant.

Later that night, at the end of the boys’ shift:  
“Eddie, I was thinking, I’m very grateful for what you did over the last couple of days and I was wondering would you like to go out for a drink with me?”  
“Yeah, Buck, I’d love to”

This looks like the start of a wonderful friendship between the two men who have suffered so much sorrow and, maybe one day Buck will tell the crew the reason why he got his medal, or at least the unclassified bits. Just as, maybe, one day, the friendship between Buck and Eddie may grow into something more


	13. Thank you for your service

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set just under one year on from where we last saw the 118. Eddie and Buck have developed a close relationship in this time but are not romantic yet, Chim and Hen have fulfilled their sensitivity training and apologised, however, still feel awful about their remarks to Buck and Eddie. Veteran’s day comes around and the 118 want to apologise to the two boys, as well as commemorate the sacrifices of those they lost during their service. Buck and Eddie get some unwanted female attention while out on a call and have to pretend to be in a relationship. Buck wishes it was real and maybe takes it a little too far, but Eddie doesn’t seem too bothered, I wonder why?

“Up a bit on the right, no down slightly. NO CHIM, in between those two places, up a bit, right stop there. Bobby, lift your end slightly, I want this to read just right when they walk in”  
“Henrietta, the merciless dictator, who would have thought?”  
“Bobby, if you ever call me Henrietta again I will throw you off the ladder truck”  
“Hen, he called you a dictator and you’re mad about him using your name?”  
“Yes Howard, I am. Anyway, I’ve always had a thirst for world domination, left a bit”

Buck and Eddie walk into the station half an hour later, both wearing their dog tags over their T-shirts as they always do on Veteran’s Day, to applause, before seeing the Banner, reading ‘Thank You!” spread out beneath the loft. Hen and Chim then walk forward, saying that they still felt bad for the way they treated them and wanted to make amends. Both men immediately give them hugs before thanking them for the effort. The team also had a cake made and a silver star and Navy cross iced onto it, both Eddie and Buck were emotional when they cut themselves their slices (yes, it was morning but carbs have always been and will always be their weakness) and Bobby gave a short speech about how they should know that the 118 was always proud and thankful of their commitment and service to their country. 

The team were all in early that morning because they were doing first aid at the Veteran’s day parade and had to be on site before the marchers set off, however, Buck and Eddie didn’t complain as, although neither would say it, Veteran’s day was almost always a struggle for them and it was nice to have someone around who understood. When a crowd started forming to watch the Veterans, Buck and Eddie started getting some rather unwanted attention. It all started with Buck. A crowd member had tried to challenge him over wearing dog tags as a fashion item, commenting on the black colour of Buck’s tags in comparison to the ‘original’ silver of Eddie’s. Buck immediately explained that he had been in the SEALs and that special ops units wore black but the man refused to believe this, turning his attention quickly to Eddie - saying “how can you stand by and watch your service being disrespected by a wannabe in that way?”  
Eddie quickly mustered a reply saying “that wannabe was a captain in the SEALs for 8 years and the only one being disrespectful of OUR service, is you”. Then this negative attention turned into several women trying to flirt with the two boys, the comments got so ridiculous that Buck faked having to pull Eddie away for an emergency before briefing him on their new relationship:  
“You are my boyfriend, you are going to like it and you are not going to complain. At this point anything will be less embarrassing than having to put up with that all day” he gestured to the crowd  
“Always knew you were a romantic at heart Buckley”  
“What can I say you just make me all sappy Diaz, maybe it’s your eyes?”  
After that comment both of them have to hold in snorts of laughter before returning to their post at the aid station. The flirting inevitably continues until one girl asked for Buck’s phone number to which he replied “sorry but I’ve got a boyfriend”. Her friend then went over to Eddie asking the same, to which he just pointed at Buck and said “I’m the boyfriend”. The girls just exchanged a sigh, saying “why are all the cute ones gay?” Before walking off to terrorise someone else. Their day at the parade went on in a similar vein for several hours, until the marchers finally passed, Buck and Eddie watching intently for former acquaintances as they went. Then there was that one girl that saw through their boyfriend ruse, saying she didn’t believe them and trying to slip her number to Buck. Totally sick of her Buck just turned around and said “if I was straight would I do this?” Before kissing Eddie on the lips. Originally Eddie squirmed a bit, before he realised what Buck was doing and went along with it, deepening the kiss for a few more seconds and then separating them, it did the trick and both men looked like they were in bliss in the aftermath. 

Buck was standing panicking, he had kissed Eddie Diaz and it felt sooo good. He had spent the whole time their lips had been connected wishing for the moment to last forever, however, all good things come to an end and the kiss was most definitely a good thing so it naturally ended just as soon as it was getting interesting. Still it would give Buck plenty of things to dream about for the foreseeable future. 

Eddie felt both terrified and elated at the same time. He had kissed Evan Buckley, he had kissed the hottest guy on the planet (in his opinion) and although it wasn’t quite as romantic as in his fantasies, he felt like he was just going to float off as a result of the happiness filling his body. He had kissed Evan Buckley!

With the parade over and having found no former colleagues amongst the marchers, Buck and Eddie packed up their things and walked back to the truck. They were not expecting the encouraging look Hen was giving them, the curious look Chim was giving them and the downright fury in Bobby’s glare as he stared them down from across the road. When they eventually arrived at the truck they knew what Bobby was annoyed about and he immediately said it, “You know I’m a fair boss but I do still expect you to follow the rules. Had you come to me about your relationship I wouldn’t have separated you two, but I would have needed some forms fille.....”  
“Bobby, wait, Buck and I aren’t dating. That was just a ruse to get the girls by the barriers to leave us alone”  
“Yeah Cap, some were VERY interested”  
“And the kiss, what am I meant to get from that?”  
“Where did you see that?”  
“You’re trending on Twitter as #couplegoals whatever that means” the confused face Bobby made as he said the word hashtag was hilarious and Buck couldn’t hold back from laughing any longer, bursting into peals of laughter, quickly followed by Eddie.  
“Ok, that was kinda my fault. There was this one who didn’t believe us and she was pretty scary so I decided drastic action was required in the form of a physical demonstration of affection and it worked. Sorry if we’ve given you anymore greys up there Cap”

The kiss remained a running joke for the remainder of the shift and it was strange having people congratulating them in their relationship and thanking them for their service on every call, but Buck and Eddie got through the shift and were just leaving before Eddie invited Buck out for a drink.  
“I know today can be hard, so do you fancy a drink before going home to relax a bit”  
“I’m driving Eddie and you have to drop Chris off to school tomorrow, but I’ve got beer at my place?”  
“Yeah, sure”

The boys are a few bottles in when Eddie says it, “I really enjoyed kissing you today” did he really just say that? He can’t believe he just said that.  
“Really now, how about we go for round two then?” Said Buck in his best flirting voice. Slightly gruff but still with a smoothness to it - it made the hairs on the back of Eddie’s neck stand up.  
That’s all the prompting Eddie needs, he is instantly crashing lips with Buck, grinding against him on the sofa and making out with him like a horny teenager.  
Buck gets just as invested in the kiss as Eddie and soon all his expectations are being exceeded. He had dreamt of this moment for so long and it felt so much better than he had ever imagined. Also, Buck thought, note to self - drunk Eddie is impulsive and it’s hottt....


	14. Blind dates and a very surprising declaration.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie and Buck have been seeing each other in secret for a month and eventually decide they need to come clean to Bobby, telling him about their relationship but also swearing him to secrecy. Their secret is unfortunately outed, however, when Hen tries to set them both up on blind dates and they are forced to tell the 118 about being boyfriends, yes it’s finally happening.

Around 1 month after veteran’s day. Buck’s apartment  
“Eddie?”  
“Yeah babe, what is it?”  
“I think we’re going to have to tell Bobby about us, it’s not right for us to be on the same team and dating given that I’m the lieutenant and you’re one of my firefighters and anyway, there’s a shit ton of paperwork that we probably should have submitted already”  
“Buck, I’m not sure I can”  
“What, you’re not sure that we’ve been together long enough or one second - you’re not happy, tell me Eds if you’re not happy, I can take it, tell me”  
“No Buck, I have never been happier, it’s just. It’s just, I’ve never come out to anyone, not even you”  
“Well I’d have said that your activities in bed over the last month have been a sufficient way of coming out to me, but I see your point”  
“I’m just scared of what the team will say Buck and I’m scared that Christopher will think I didn’t love his mother” *crying*  
“Firstly Eds, we don’t need to tell the team, just Bobby, and as for Christopher I’m certain he’ll understand. He’s a great kid and he loves and trusts you”  
“But it’s just, I’m scared the 118 will think I was unfaithful or something”  
“We’re you?”  
“No, Buck of course not, see this is...”  
“Then why be scared of that, anyway you were divorced long before I arrived so whoever tries to say that is just plain wrong”.  
“I guess, can I think about it?”  
“You can think about it for as long as you want love, but I genuinely think that Bobby would be furious if we didn’t go to him and there’s probably something unethical about dating your boss”  
“My parents taught me there was something unethical about dating another man, so I’m well past the point of caring about that”  
Laughing, Buck replied “mine too although I never took much notice of them anyway”  
“You never talk about your parents, why?”  
“They never really bothered with me when I was a kid and they totally severed all contact when I joined the SEALs, so there isn’t much to say. Anyway, it’s going to be another week before we’re together like this again, so what do you say about giving ,e something to remember you by?” A smile crossed Buck’s face as he said it and he had to suppress a laugh as he saw the effect his words were having in Eddie.  
Licking his lips, the other man just turned round and said “I think I could live with that arrangement” before sauntering off to the bedroom with Buck in hot pursuit.

The next day at the station:  
“Bobby, can we have a word for a minute?”  
“Yeah sure Eddie, come on in. What do you need?”  
“Well we thought that we needed to come clean about something cause we aren’t sure where we stand within department guidelines if we don’t”  
“Okay, I’m not sure I like the sound of this, was whatever you broke expensive?”  
“No, Bobby it’s nothing like that. It’s just I’m not sure if I’ll be allowed to work on Buck’s team anymore because we’ve been in a relationship for the last month”.  
“Ah, right ok, well just let my blood pressure return to normal after me thinking you’d broken my lovely firehouse and we can see where you stand. Ok, well for starters I need you two to fill out these two forms and do you want a next of kin form for each other?”  
Buck answered first this time, “I don’t think we’re there yet as far as the NOK forms are concerned but we definitely need to do the first two”  
“Right, that great, just sign here here and here. Congratulations to the two of you. As for the situation with teams, I’ve never had to deal with a lieutenant dating a firefighter before, so I’ll send an email to Battalion and see what they recommend. In the meantime I don’t see why you can’t work together”  
“Thanks Bobby, also pease keep this a secret from the rest of the team, I don’t feel up to coming out to them yet”  
“Of course I’ll keep it a secret, now scram you two before they get suspicious outside. Also I’ll fight your corner with battalion because honestly I’d have never guessed anything you’ve both been so professional”  
“Thanks cap”  
“Actually, one second Buck I need a favour. The fire prevention report, its due next month and honestly Battalion are always annoyed with me for half-assing it, I know how good your reports are and I was wondering would you read over it for me and make a few changes if you think I could improve it any?”  
“Yeah sure Bobby”  
“Thanks Buck”

The next week and a half went smoothly for the two men, Bobby had got an answer from Battalion who had said that provided the two acted professionally that they could continue to work together, although there would be no second chances if this professionalism was broken. Eddie was also finally beginning to come to terms with his identity enough to let others in on his secret. He started with his sisters, who were very supportive, giving him the courage to speak to his tia and Abuela about it too, they also took the news a lot better than expected, with Abuela demanding that she get to meet Buck properly rather than just for flying visits. Eddie was finally feeling confident enough in himself to talk to his parents, the team and the world.

“Buck, I’ve been thinking, I would like to tell my parents about us, do you reckon a face time from both of us would be a good idea?”  
“Oh Eds, don’t think you have to do this for me. Seriously only do it if you want to”  
“I want to do this. I’ve been riding the high from when we told Bobby and have kept it up by telling my sisters, my tia and Abuela. Now I want to tell my parents, because if I don’t now when are they going to find out?”  
“Ok then, I think FaceTime works best but do it alone, I’ll be in the next room if you want me but I think it could just be a lot for them to take in if I’m sitting there when you do it”.

“¡Hola Mami, Papi!”  
“Out with it Edmundo, you only ever speak Spanish when you’re nervous”  
“Ok, well you know how I said I didn’t feel ready to date anyone after Shannon divorced me?”  
“Yes son”  
“Well I’ve met someone and I wanted to let you know” Eddie feels breathless and can tell he looks just as scared as he feels when his mother settles him with a concerned look before asking if something’s wrong  
“No Mami, nothing’s wrong, I’m just kinda scared you’re not going to like them”  
“Why wouldn’t we like her Eddie, you’re a good judge of character so I’m sure she’s...”  
“It’s a ‘he’ actually”  
“Oh” his parents look surprised but not angry which Eddie takes to be a good sign, however, it doesn’t last long before his father lays into him.  
“Edmundo Diaz, we brought you up better than this! It’s deviant, you’re deviant. How can you take care of Christopher with another man, it’s just downright wrong!”  
Eddie feels like he’s on the verge of tears before his mother speaks “Raymundo Diaz! How can you say such a thing about your own son, how dare you - apologise NOW!” She then fixed his father with her best don’t mess with me look before he finally said:  
“I’m sorry Eddie it’s just a bit of a shock. Why don’t you say sooner?”  
“I guess I just pretended to myself that I wasn’t interested in guys and just focused on girls. I honestly don’t think I was ready to face up to it until I had to tell my boss about it last week because my boyfriend, Evan, and I, we work together so there was lots of paperwork that had to be filled in”.  
His mother, clearly trying to be supportive of her son immediately said “Can we meet him?”  
“Well if you’re willing to wait a second I’ll grab him from the kitchen”  
“Oh don’t interrupt him if he’s cooking, honey” Mami sent an approving nod in the direction of her husband when she said this, before Eddie laughed and said,   
“whilst Buck’s a great cook he’s actually at the table proof reading the fire prevention report for the captain so I’m sure he’ll be very glad for the distraction” they all laughed before Eddie shouted for Buck to come in.   
The man walked into the room saying “see I told you it would go well” before Eddie motioned to his iPad which was still on the call, saying   
“Evan, my parents wanted to meet you” When Buck immediately sat down and started talking to Mami and Papi in his usual charismatic and friendly way, they were both clearly impressed and quickly had buck recounting his life story for them.  
“So Evan, were you always a firefighter or did you do something before?”  
“I was a SEAL for 8 years and joined the LAFD as a lieutenant about a year ago when I finally was able to get my discharge”.  
“Navy life not for you then son” Eddie’s father, a proud ex-petty officer said.  
“No, Raymundo, I originally loved it but I lost my husband on an operation five years ago and was put behind a desk soon after when I promoted to captain so my heart wasn’t really in it any more so I fulfilled my eight years and left”  
“Bit of a demotion to become an LAFD lieutenant then”  
“Yeah, but it demoted me right back to doing what I love, leading a team that I also get to work in the field with rather than sitting behind a desk writing reports”.  
“Anyway”, Eddie’s mother interjects, “when did you two meet? I’m presuming it was at the station”  
Buck was about to lie, answering yes, when Eddie said “no, we actually first met on the mission where I got my silver star. Buck was the SEAL mission commander and he called in medical backup - my team was sent and that was where we first met. Although we didn’t meet again until he joined the station last year”  
Raymundo interrupts again to say that he is proud of his son, and is sorry if he came across as angry, he was just shocked, before Eddie hangs up the call, promising to phone again soon. As soon as the iPad is off, Buck and Eddie hug and then decide to order Chinese food in celebration of their news. 

Once they’re eating, Eddie asks Buck if he would be okay with them not telling the rest of the 118 yet and buck replies that it was never his plan to until Eddie was ready. He just felt he had to dig in over Bobby cause he didn’t want them to get in trouble. They hug again before sitting watching tv on the sofa for a few hours.

Two days later at the fire station:  
If anyone had noticed the fact that Buck and Eddie carpooled with alarming frequency they hadn’t mentioned it and this left the two feeling pretty sure that their relationship was still a secret. Unfortunately for them, Hen had deemed it was necessary for both of them to start dating again, offering to set them up on countless dates over the last week - they put this down to the impeding Christmas season and her feeling guilty about the 118s youngest members both being either divorced or widowed in the holiday season. Eventually it came to a head when Hen called the two boys up to the loft, saying “right you two, I’ve already spoken to Carla and she’s going to look after Chris tonight whilst we get you two out on dates. Buck I’ve got a very nice and charming paramedic from the 24th, called Tim Kennedy, for you and I’ve got another firefighter, Lena Bosko for you Eddie”.   
“Uh Hen whilst we appreciate the thought, I don’t really feel up to dating anyone yet”  
“Don’t worry Buck, you’ll enjoy it, trust me. Your dates have both been hand picked and compliment your personalities perfectly in my opinion”  
“Hen, thanks bu...”  
“No Eddie, come on it doesn’t have to be anything serious...”  
“Hen, I’m already seeing someone”  
“Why haven’t you mentioned her then Eddie, huh? Come on you’ll enjoy it”  
“Hen I’m dating Buck!”  
“You’re what now?!”  
Buck speaks up this time, “we’ve been dating ever since the veteran’s day parade when we pretended to be a couple, we both enjoyed the kiss a little too much for it to be entirely platonic and we figured it out later that night when we went out for drinks together”  
“Evan Buckley, you have been dating Eddie Diaz?”  
“YES Hen! We’re dating!”  
Then Chim arrived “does Maddie know?”  
“No but I think the secret’s out at this point if you want to tell her” Buck laughed  
Chim immediately ran off to hone his girlfriend.

“Mads”  
“Is everything ok”  
“Yes it’s just I thought you should know that your brother has got himself a boyfriend”  
“Haha you had me for a second there there”  
“No seriously, he does. It’s Eddie from work”  
“EDDIE DIAZ! No way, really?”...


	15. What are your intentions with my little Brother?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their secret now out, Buck gets a call from Adriana - Eddie’s older sister, telling him that if he hurts Eddie, she’ll kill him. Then Eddie gets a very similar call from Maddie. Meanwhile, a Addie and Chim have their own surprise declaration, leading to Buddie getting their revenge.

“Chim, seriously, is my little brother really dating Eddie Diaz?”

”I promise you Mads, I’m not joking”

”he’s a catch, that’s for sure”

”but not as big a catch as me? Right?”

”he was first reserve if we broke up” Maddie joked

”you wound me”

”right I’m coming over to the station, my little brother needs told off for keeping a secret from his sister, and Eddie needs the talk”

”I’ll start selling tickets then”

”oh, Haha”

** 20 minutes later at the station: **

“Evan Buckley, I believe you have something to tell me!”

”Shit! Eddie run whilst you can, you’re about to be attacked by my overprotective sister!” Buck dramatically shouts.

”Very funny Evan, why don’t you two tell me?”

”Well, it’s still kinda new and I didn’t feel ready to have to come out to everyone yet” Eddie quickly stammered.

”My brother not serious enough for that then?”

”Maddie, stop. We were going to say, we’ve just been taking it slowly”

”I thought we shared things with each other Buck!”

”We do and I was going to, but we were waiting until we could sit down and talk to Christopher before telling anyone who didn’t need to know”

Maddie’s expression softened “fine, but now it’s your turn Eddie, don’t hurt my little brother, or it’ll be the last thing you ever do”

”I have absolutely no intention of it”

Maddie then said ”Good, now that’s cleared up, congratulations!” Before pulling both men into a hug.

** Two days later: **

Buck was walking back to the station, from the local bakery where he was tasked with buying a loaf of bread to make sandwiches with at lunch, when his phone went. It displayed an unknown number but he answered anyway, surprised when he heard a slightly familiar voice in the other line.

”Hello, is that Evan?”

”Yes it is, who are you?”

“I’m Adriana, Eddie’s sister”

”Ahh, I wondered why I kinda recognised your voice”

“Are you looking for Eddie?”

”Nope, I’m looking for you. As the eldest sibling in this family, it’s my job to give all potential partners the shovel talk. If you hurt my brother, you’ll wish I killed you when I’m done. Understand?”

“Ok, that turned dark quick” Buck joked, but seeing that Adriana wasn’t in a jokey mood, he just agreed “yes, I’m not going to hurt him anyway, but a fate worse than death sounds like a pretty good deterrent”

”Sorry, but he’s just been through a lot and I want to make sure he’s okay”

”I get that, what Shannon did to him was just plain wrong”

“It’s not just that, have you heard him at night before, because when he stays in El Paso, we all worry about his nightmares. I’ve heard him wake up screaming something about snipers before”

”Yeah, I’ve heard him a couple of times and to be fair, that mission was pretty traumatic”

”Does he talk to you about it” she says hopefully.

”No, but I was the mission commander that day, so trust me, I know”

”I suppose having you near him helps”

”Our service was one of the things that developed our friendship, I’ll say that”

Buck could hear someone calling in the background, before Adriana said, “sorry Evan, but I’m going to have to go. Just remember this - hurt him and I hurt you”

”ok Adriana, bye”

Just as Buck is walking into the station, Eddie hears him “I take it you got the shovel talk from my sister?”

”It would appear I did. What did we do to get such overprotective siblings?!”

“I do not know but at least that’s the death threats out of the way, suppose so”

It’s just as they reach the stairs that they hear the scream come from the loft:

”YES!”

The two men run up to find Maddie in Chimney’s arms 

Buck speaks first “What happened?!”

Chimney just says “Buck, I’d like to introduce you to my fiancé, Maddie”

”Seriously! Congratulations!”

Then Eddie also offers his congratulations, before giving Buck a look that clearly shows they are thinking the same thing. “Maddie, can Buck and I have a word with you for a second?”

”Sure, is something up?”

Buck then puts on his stern SEAL expression and asks “What are your intentions with our coworker?”

Before Eddie joins in “Yeah, we’re a family here, you’d better not hurt our brother”

”Very funny you two, my intentions with your coworker is to marry him and have many children, do you want further details Buck?”

”YUCK! No I’m good thanks and I definitely didn’t need that image, come on Eddie, those straight ones don’t know what they’re missing”

Maddie then interrupts saying “And you think I needed that one?!”   
  
They all dissolve into laughter before joining the rest of the 118 back at the loft, just in time to hear Bobby and Chim discussing wedding venues. “Bobby, as much as eloping is your thing, do not convince my future husband to do it, I’m doing this my way”

”Yes ma’am” Chim says before saluting her, earning him a smack.

The festive mood at the station continues until the end of the shift, when Buck and Eddie finally get a chance to talk together

”Eddie, have you ever thought about us, you know, getting married. I know our relationship’s pretty new, but even hypothetically?”

”Buck, babe. I think about it all the time, which is why I would love you to move in with me. I know we’ve only been ‘dating’ for about a month, but we’ve been best friends for ages before that, so it only seems natural. After all you practically live at my house anyway”

Buck, overcome with emotion, chokes back a tear before saying “You know what Eddie I’d love that”

TBC


	16. Weddings always make me cry.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maddie and Chimney say “I do”. Eddie gets a bit teary, much to Buck’s amusement and Eddie’s embarrassment. Buck and Eddie have been dating for several months at this point and as soon as Maddie gets back from her honeymoon, Buck ropes her and Athena into ring buying. Eddie, meanwhile ropes Abuela, Tia and Carla into ring buying duty too, oblivious to his partner’s scheming. Please bear in mind that COVID does not impact this story.

**23rd August 2020**

”Do you Howard Han, take Madeline, Patricia Buckley to be your lawfully wedded wife?”

”I do”

”And do you, Madeline, Patricia Buckley, take Howard Han to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

”I do”

”Then I pronounce you husband and wife, you may kiss equally”

  
Eddie Diaz was not a cryer, absolutely not. But Weddings, weddings were his weakness. He could not manage to sit through a wedding ceremony without shedding a tear - he never had been able to and never would it was just the way he was made. BUT, it didn’t help when his ridiculously good looking boyfriend kept making eyes at him the whole time, forcing him to imagine just how he wanted their day to play out.   
  


Evan Buckley was not a cryer, absolutely not. But people being kind to his family, that was his weakness. He could not manage to watch an act of genuine thought and concern directed towards someone he loved without tearing up. That is why, he could feel the white hot tear rolling down his cheek as he heard the celebrant telling Maddie and Chim to kiss _equally -_ the line had been Chim’s idea, he had wanted to convey from his very first moment as Maddie’s husband, that he was not Doug. He would treat her as his equal, truly look up to her as his better half and he did this, because he said that it was true. Buck was having to use every once of his considerable self control to not sob his heart out at the sentiment. _Shit, what am I going to be like when Eddie and I get married. I’m going to cry the place down._

With that the ceremony was over and everyone was leaving to the reception, the bride and groom, of course taking the 118’s SUV because Maddie insisted that Chim should have representation before deciding to call it her ‘something borrowed’ when he initially refused. The rest of the guests travelled behind, reaching the hotel where the reception was being held about ten minutes later.   
  


Eddie was still letting out little tears as he and Buck drove together to the reception and he apologised when he saw Buck looking at him, a strange but contented expression on his face.   
  
“Don’t worry Eds only one of us needs to be an ex-SEAL who’s totally in tune with his own emotions.”

”Well there was me thinking I saw you crying too, Captain Buckley”

”That’s enough of your cheek, unless you want punished tonight. You know what calling me Captain does to me.”

”Oh I certainly do, the transformation from sex obsessed firefighter to sex obsessed soldier is quite mesmerising”

”Oh your asking for it, you’re going to be so stiff tomorrow morning”

”I’m counting on it”

Upon arriving at the reception, Buck and Eddie take their seats and spend the next couple of hours eating and listening to the speeches, before the dancing starts. It is a well known fact that neither of the pair can dance with anyone except each other - they seem to have this bond between them that means they can tell what the other is going to do, before they do it. And this is good, given that their dancing style is spontaneous to say the least. Buck and Eddie spend the rest of the night in each other’s arms, staring into each other’s eyes and it’s then that, in tandem as usual, they decide ‘I’m going to marry that man’. If Eddie was in fact hardly able to walk the next day, because of the stretch in a certain area, which he would not admit to, then nobody would ever need know. If Buck had been so caught up in his plans to marry Eddie that he had got a little over exuberant and put his back out, then nobody would need to know that either, but needless to say, both men enjoyed a very memorable night and not just because it was the night they both decided to propose.

** Three weeks later: **

Maddie and Chim’s original honeymoon plan had been to stay for two weeks in a five star hotel on the Costa Del Sol, lying on the pristine beaches by day, sampling the Mediterranean cuisine by night and visiting the local must see places in between. All this was turned on its head, however, when the 118 handed them their wedding present. Imagine the disappointment they must have felt upon discovering that their two week holiday had been regrettably extended to three weeks. All of that extra time to just enjoy each other’s company and see all of the sights (Maddie really did not have Chim down as a European history buff, but apparently she was wrong) they were of course ~~overjoyed~~ saddened by this ~~wonderful~~ horrible news and definitely didn’t come back feeling rested and more in love than when they left.

Maddie was expecting to get ambushed by her brother pretty quickly upon her return, and was even prepared to show all of the pictures for, their holiday of a lifetime. So was slightly surprised when his first words to her were:

”I need your help, at your wedding I realised something. I want to marry Eddie and I want you to be able to come with me this time to pick the ring”

”Well, I should be insulted by the fact that you didn’t want to hear about my honeymoon, but I’m too happy for you little bro!”

That is why Maddie found herself with Buck and Athena in the local jewellers, browsing their wedding ring selection.   
  


“Buck, what do you think of Black titanium, it seems quite like Eddie’s style?”

”No, I proposed to Jamie with a black titanium ring, I want something different for Eddie”.

”How about this then?” Maddie said, pointing to a display case. “These are the titanium ones still, but have some silver on them too, it would be a good way of matching his style, whilst maintaining the distinction between the two rings”

”Maddie, you’ve just given me an idea. What do you think of this. When Eddie and I first became friends as such, it was when we pulled the grenade out of that man’s leg and the ambulance later blew up. I recognised that day that it was probably the luckiest moment of my life that I wasn’t still inside the ambulance when it went off, so I took a piece of the ambulance to remind me - a lucky charm of sorts. What if I asked them to make a custom ring with the metal from the ambulance? It would look identical to one of those, but it would have a hidden meaning for us.”

”Custom rings are dear Buckaroo, are you sure?”

”I have plenty of money, honestly I’ve done that many missions with the SEALs that if I was willing to be sparing with my spending, I could probably retire in about five year’s time, not that I’m going to”

Athena then said ”Well, if you’re sure, I think it’s a lovely idea”, so that is what Buck did and when he got the ring, three weeks later, it was perfect.

  
”Abuela, Tia. I have something to ask you.”

”What Edmundo?”

”Im going to propose to Buck and I was wondering if you would maybe help me get the ring”

”Oh Eddie, we’d love to. What are you going to go for?”

”I’m not sure, I just know this - no black titanium. Buck is widowed and that’s the type of ring he wears”

”Are you sure it’s a good idea if he still wears the ring?”

”We’ve talked about it, he doesn’t wear it out of commitment, he wears it because he likes having the reminder of Jamie - they weren’t married for very long when he died”

”How about silver then?”

”Its not really his style though. If it wasn’t for his original ring, black is the way I’d be leaning”

“How about dark grey then? And maybe a bit textured rather than smooth, to make it different.”

”I like that idea. You know what, I’m going to go for one like that, will you come in and help me pick it?”

”Of course Edmundo!”

** 3rd October 2020 **

Eddie has his ring bought, a dull grey with etchings that he chose because of how similar they are to the tattoo on Buck’s forearm. He thinks it’s the perfect choice for his man and feels ready to find out. That’s why Eddie asked Carla to bring Chris to the station as well as arranging for champagne and balloons to be waiting with them. It was his intention to pop the question as soon as their shift ended and he just had one hour to go...

Buck has been antsy all day. He spoke to Bobby last week about how he’d feel if he proposed in the back of the fire truck on their way back after a call and the captain had agreed, warning him that no alcohol was allowed on board and that he couldn’t control if celebrations were cut short due to an emergency call. Buck thought it was perfect, he had proposed to Jamie in the back of a black hawk and he felt that it made a lovely nod to their careers and he thought the same about his plans today. Maddie had agreed to let Buck carry out his plan, provided Chim agreed to film the proposal for her - which he of course did, which is why Maddie and Athena found themselves wheeling a trolley of champagne into the truck bay as soon as the vehicle was out of sight.

They were just finishing setting their trolley up when Carla walked in with Christopher, carrying a bottle of Champagne.   
  


“I take it he’s got you in on the plan too then, I wonder if he forgot he asked me to get Champagne?”

”Knowing Buck, he’ll just want to make sure everyone gets plenty”

”What do you mean Buck, Eddie asked me to bring this. He’s going to propose when they get off shift, he’s arranged for the tannoy to be hijacked to announce it and everything”

”Well Buck asked us to set this up, he’s intending on proposing in the back of the fire truck on the way home”

”Those two boys are quite literally sickeningly in love - I bet you they haven’t even had an argument, since falling into bed with each other”

** Two hours later: **

“Eddie, there’s something I wanted to ask you” That was Anderson’s cue to slow the truck and Chim’s cue to start filming.

”Sure, what is it Buck” 

Buck got up out of his seat and down on one knee “Eddie, when I first saw you, I felt deep and bitter hatred towards you, however, over the last nearly two years, I have got to know the big softie who cries at weddings, has a favourite blanket and loves nothing more than a quiet night in with a beer, a movie and popcorn. And I have truly fallen head over heels for that man. Ever since out first kiss at the Veterans Day parade, when we broke the internet, I have been imagining what it would be like to call you my husband and I’ve decided that I want to find out. Eddie Diaz, will you marry me?”

Eddie looks stunned before motioning for Hen to move down one seat so he can also kneel “Evan Buckley, when I first met you, it was during a battle in Afghanistan that still haunts my dreams and if I’m being honest, the cool, calm and collected navy commander I saw that day scared the shit out of me. I have since learnt that you aren’t apathetic as I first thought, but just incredibly selflessly brave. So now I need to be brave and ask, will you marry me?”

They both paused for a second, before screaming “YES!!” in unison and placing their rings on each other’s fingers. Buck explaining the special significance of his which brought Eddie to the verge of tears. He’s pretty sure he would have cried had he not heard all of the other Vehicles in the 118 sounding their sirens and the main alarm going off, realising he was back at the station, he threw the door of the truck open before striding out, hand in hand with his fiancé. He saw his whole family there, everyone, and he saw the same turnout for Buck before the tannoy sounded

”Attention station 118! Attention station 118! HE SAID YES!!” A that moment the sound of about three champagne corks popping in unison filled the air and a mighty cheer rose from all in attendance...

TBC 


	17. I do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Preparations are finalised for Buck and Eddie’s wedding. Maddie arranges for some surprise guests who Buck is less than happy about.

**9 months after the proposal:**

”So, we’ve got flowers arranged, venues booked, celebrant booked, rings chosen and the cake shortlist has been reduced down to three options and despite being heavily pregnant and therefore perpetually starving, even I do not feel up to the mere sight of a slice of cake, never mind actually eating one”.

Maddie had become the de-facto wedding planner for their big day, alongside Sofia and Adriana who had all taken on various different elects of the celebration. Maddie was in charge of the wedding itself, Sophia the reception and Adriana was tailoring the perfect honeymoon. She had been slightly annoyed when she asked the boys where they had gone on honeymoon during their first marriages and both had replied “Afghanistan” as if it was some sort of sick joke but hey, it was true and when she found this out, she pledged to arrange a mind-blowing and sumptuous holiday that neither would ever forget.   
  


“Right, by my deduction, we just need to discuss what you’re going to wear.”

Adriana spoke up here “Well I know Eddie wanted to wear his full dress uniform when he married Shannon and she wouldn’t let him, so how about we start there?”

Then Sofia joined “Yeah, Buck could wear his Navy whites too - I think they’d look very handsome if they were both in uniform”

”Guys, there’s just one problem there. I outranked Eddie quite substantially and we want to portray that we’re both equals, but if we do it in uniform, the fact is we’re not.”

”Ok, how seriously outranked are we talking here?”

”Well I was a Naval Captain and Eddie was an Army corporal, so I was a lot more senior.”

Sofia then suggested “why don’t you wear your LAFD uniforms then?”

”Buck would still outrank me and we don’t want that”

Maddie then decided for them “Matching Tuxedos then?”

”Yeah” both men agreed.

”How about with your medals. I bet if you displayed your Silver Star, you’d impress the Buckley parents”

Both men replied “NO!” in unison, before Buck said “they wouldn’t be impressed anyway - didn’t even turn up when I got my Navy Cross, so I think that shows their opinion of medals. Not as if they’ll be there anyway” he included the last part as a warning, but Maddie didn’t heed it, instead mistaking it for him wishing they would come.   
  


They quickly moved on, discussing vows and whether they were going to write their own or use traditional ones

”I think it would be nice to base it off traditional ones, but write our own bits into them, what do you think Buck?”

”I’m happy provided you write ‘I do’ into yours”

”Awww”

”Stop being such a sap, Buckley”

Maddie then gasped as if she’d forgotten something and then said “Last names, you’ll need to decide by then what you want to choose!”

”We were thinking of just sticking to our own names, because we don’t want to give the department any more reason to split us up”

”Yeah, anyway it would be weird for Chris if we hyphenated it”

Maddie, always trying to get a rise out of her brother said “You could always become a Diaz”

”Hell, I’d love to, if we didn’t work in the same place I’d do it in a heartbeat”

”Wait seriously babe, you’d take my name?”

”Yeah, it’s not as if I like my family much - other than you Mads. So yeah, I’d love to be a Diaz”

Maddie was just staring at her brother awestruck by how in love he clearly was when she remembered Chim talking about the father and son duo working at the 126 in Austin when he’d been on an exchange there a few months ago.

”Guys, I think if that was something you actually wanted to do, you could. There’s a father-son team working at the 126 in Austin and they just have one of them with ‘Strand’ on his gear and one with ‘Captain Strand’ on his gear. You guys could do the same ‘Diaz’ and ‘Lieutenant Diaz’!”

”What do you say Buck, do you want to be a Diaz?”

”Hell yeah”

Once their planning meeting was over, Maddie got things in motion for the surprise she’d come up with. She knew her little brother had thirsted for his parents approval ever since he could talk, and she’d finally found a way to give it to him. Despite everything that had gone on between them, Maddie had kept in contact with her parents - more out of duty than anything, and now she felt it was the perfect time to call in a favour. They would be at the wedding, she would ensure it - even if she had to drag them there and tie them to their chairs.   
  


“Hi Mum”

”David, it’s Maddie!”

”Finally phoned to apologise for not inviting us to her wedding? Or just after money?”

“Neither Dad, but I do want to tell you that it might be within your interests to be in LA on the 1st of August, because Evan’s getting married and given that you’ve never attended a single event in his life, I thought you might want to start now if you ever want to see your son again.”

“Is it a woman this time? Did he finally realise that his homosexual thing was a phase and divorce that good for nothing waster”

”That good for nothing waster died in action in Afghanistan almost seven years ago, so watch it. Also it’s another man, apparently being gay means you’re not interested in women, who’d have thought, hey?”

”Well if he wants to go to hell, he can, but we’re not going with him!”

”Just turn up for him, OK. I think it would mean a lot. Especially if you were actually nice about it.”

”There is not a chance that we are going to attend that wedding! Not a chance!”

”Ok, bye then”.

“We should go and talk to him, remind him how his deviant ways are an embarrassment to us all. See if we can stop the ‘wedding’”

”Yeah, we should - I’ll book flights out for the week before, Maddie says he works at the 118th fire house, didn’t she?”

”Yes she did, but you know we could get into trouble for confronting him at work, the fake news media has made it so you can’t say anything to people anymore”

”I know, but we could find out his address.”

** 25th August 2021 - Station 118 **

“Hello, we’re looking for firefighter Buckley?”

”Sorry, there isn’t a firefighter Buckley working here. Are you maybe looking for Lieutenant Buckley or Firefighter Diaz, his fiancé?”

”Yeah, Lieutenant Buckley. Is he here?”

”Afraid not, he’s on the first shift and we’re the second, he won’t be in until tomorrow night at the earliest. I can take you to lieutenant Winters though?”

”No thanks. Do you have his address by any chance?”

”We do, although I’m not sure I should give it to you. Are you related to him?”

”We’re his first husband’s parents. We just wanted to see him before the big day next week.” David nudged Patricia so she’d go along with it.

”Oh, ok, I’ll get it for you now. I must say, I’m sorry for your loss. Jamie sounded like a lovely person.”

”Thank you.”

”Right here’s the address. 22 Millers Lane...” The Firefighter read the address of his phone, before waving the pair off after they thanked him. Not realising the damage he had done.

** Eddie and Buck’s House, five minutes later **

*Knock, Knock*

”Hello, can I help you?”

”Oh, who are you?!”

”Eddie Diaz, who are you?”

”Oh uh, uhh, we’re Patricia and David Buckley. We wanted to come and apologise, is Evan there?”

”Buck! Could you come to the door a second!”

”Yeah, sure!”

A second later Patrica and David can see their son waking down the hallway towards them, clearly not having seen them yet. “What is it Eds? I was just helping Chris with his history homework - made me feel a bit old to be talking in Afghanistan in the past tense if I’m being honest”.

”Buck, your parents are here”

”What? What are you two doing here?!”

”We wanted to see our son, isn’t that allowed?”

”Not after the way you treated me - you ignored an invitation to your own son in law’s funeral!”

”We were in Hawaii on holiday, you know how expensive a flight home would’ve been!”

”You know how expensive his flight to Afghanistan was as well!”

”I feel like I’m intruding, I’ll go in and keep an eye on Chris”

”Yeah, don’t let him come out to this, okay. Right, spit it out. What do you want?”

”We want a son who isn’t a deviant!”

”Whoa, you’ve really mellowed into your old age David, haven’t you”

”I thought the Navy would have taught you some respect. Maybe I’ll just have to teach you some” David Buckley raised his hand towards his son and was about to slap him when he felt a white-hot pain down his wrist. “Ahhhhhh!”

”Wouldn’t do that if I were you”

”You could have broken his wrist Evan!”

”No dearest mother, I could not have. I just pressed a pressure point on it so he thinks twice the next time he resorts to his abusive behaviours.”

”Violence, want to add that to your sexual deviancy, uncontrollable spending” David gestured towards the yellow mustang parked in the drive as well as Eddie’s Ford raptor (which Eddie had paid for out of his probationary bonus, not him and which was entirely necessary for Chris to be comfortable) “and generally being a failure?”   
  
“Oh you flatter me. Tell me what the fuck your want and then leave.”

”Well, I think we’ve made our wishes clear, leave him. It’s a phase Evan your sinning and you know it!”

“Well, by your definitions of sinning and forgiveness, I’m already a lost cause, so I’d better just enjoy the present whilst I can”

”You’re impossible Evan!”

”No you are! You didn’t want a gay son because of your fanatical and twisted political followers, so you chose to abandon me, quite literally in one instance yet now you think you can come and dictate how I live my life?!”

”We raised you well son, and you know it”

”You raised me well enough that I scared the shit out of my Navy SEAL instructors during my BUD/S training and hell week, I’ll give you that. I suppose I got accustomed to living in emotional turmoil and constant physical pain, so thanks!”

”Evan, you know it’s just a phase you’re going through” his mother pleaded

”Well if it’s a phase, it’s lasted for thirty years at this point and is still going strong, so I highly doubt it’ll end overnight somehow.”

At that moment Chris walked out into the hall on his crutches and Patricia and David looked aghast “You have a child with that Mexican!”

”This is Christopher. Chris, go back in to your dad, I’ll be in with the two of you in a minute - these people are just leaving.”

”Ok Buck”

”He’s not biologically mine, he’s from Eddie’s first marriage”

”Oh, so your fiancé is one of those bisexual ones then, tries to live with temptation and normalcy together as if it’s ok like men?”

”My, how your opinions have changed.”

”Evan, you are lumbering yourself with that inconvenience of a child. How’s he ever going to follow in your footsteps as a SEAL or a firefighter?”

”Why should he have to, I didn’t follow in your steps as a professional racist and homophobe. Chris is smart, he’ll go on to do great things, but even if he wasn’t particularly academic, I’d love him the same. Now get out”

”How would you know how to be a good father!”

”Well I know what not to do, goodbye. Oh and don’t consider yourself invited to the wedding, we really don’t want to see you there. It’s a family and friends only thing.” Buck promptly closed the door in their faces, walked calmly into the sitting room and started crying in front of Eddie and Chris.

”Buck, babe, I heard a lot of that. You did well and you’re OK now”

”I’m sorry Eddie. I don’t actually believe a word they said, I just feel drained.”

”Who was that”

”We’ll explain later mijo, ok”

”No, Christopher. Those people there were my parents. I think you’re old enough to have recognised that your father and I are not the most common type of couple in the world.”

”No, you’re not. Too sweet for each other’s good”

”Thanks Chris, but I think you know what I mean”

”I do Buck”

”Well, my parents don’t like me, don’t like us, because we’re different. They don’t like your father cause he’s a Latino and Bi, and they don’t like me because I’m Gay and not a racist like them”.

“I get it Buck, it’s some of the other stuff you said that I don’t get. Particularly when you talked about your dad. Was he really as bad as he sounded?”

”He’s actually mellowed in his older age. He used to be a lot worse. Sent me off with nothing to use to communicate with my friends to live with my Nan for a whole summer the first time he caught me kissing another guy and he tried to kick me out when I signed up for the SEALs, only I actually scared him when I just walked off and he later pulled out all the stops to find me”.

”So he still kinda cared about you?”

”No, he was a politician - Pennsylvania’s senior senator for decades and it would have ruined his reputation if I ran off and the media found out I was gay. If he actually cared about me, he would’ve showed up at the important occasions in my life, like your father does for you.”

”He sounds horrible”

”He is, although until today, I hadn’t seen him in over ten years and I don’t intend on seeing him again for another ten.”

Eddie realised how stressed his fiancé was and said “Right, I think I know what’s in order here. We need a stag night, just the three of us. So I’m gonna order lots of Pizza and we can eat that before watching a movie and having ice cream. How does that sound?”

Christopher cheered in agreement and Buck just smiled, saying “That sounds perfect, a night in with my favourite Diaz and my fiancé - what could be better”

** Maddie and Chim’s house: **

*Knock, Knock*

”Coming! Mum? Dad? What are you doing here?”

”We went to see your deviant brother and were instead greeted by some Mexican. He’s really outdone himself this time. Anyway we need somewhere to stay tonight until our flight leaves tomorrow morning and we thought we could come and see our preferred child instead”

”Hello, who’s this Maddie?” Chum said as he walked out into the hall.

”Its a bit late to have your handyman around isn’t it?”

”Mum, Dad. You know this is Howie, my husband so just stop.”

”What sort of a name is Howie?”

”Its a shortened version of Howard, which I’ll hazard a guess that you also knew. And as for Buck and Eddie, I work with both of them and honestly they’re both brilliant at their jobs and perfect for each other so I’d stop harassing them.”

”What would you know?!”

Maddie then held her hands up and said “You know what, we’re not doing this. Go to a hotel, we both know you can afford it and don’t be expecting any calls from me in the future. I thought you’d changed, but I’m clearly wrong and I don’t want you in my daughter’s life” she said, pointing to her bump. “Now get out!”   
  


“You’re a disappointment”

”I’d rather disappoint a racist homophobe than impress them”.

** One week later: **

Eddie was walking up the aisle of the Church, linking his mother’s arm as he went and giving a little wave to Christopher, his best man, who was standing at the front waiting for him. A few minutes later, Buck walked down the aisle, linking Athena until he reached Bobby, his best man, who flashed him an encouraging smile before the ceremony started. The boys exchanged their heartfelt vows, before saying “I do” and kissing as passionately as the setting would allow. If Maddie and Chim’s wedding had Eddie weeping, this ceremony had him crying his eyes out, he looked at his new husband Evan Diaz and felt a sense of pride and happiness wash over him that he had not felt in a long time. Buck had always brought colour into his life, but now he had received the 4k ultra HD upgrade and all Eddie could think about was the countless lazy lie ins and happy family moments that lay ahead of them. When they went out to their wedding car, they passed the faces of their old families - the US army medical Corps and the US Navy SEALs as well as their new family - the 118, and both men knew just how lucky they were.

”Well, happy wedding day Mr Diaz”

”Right back at you, other Mr Diaz”

”Shit, we didn’t think this through, our initials are going to be exactly the same!”

“Oh yeah, well they can always just ask for the good looking one I suppose”  
  
“Yeah, but what would they say if they wanted you then Eds?”

”I love you Buck”

”I love you too”.

  
TBC


	18. Forever and always

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 10 years into the future, we catch up with the 118’s power couple.

“Buck, We’re here!” Eddie shouted as he walked through the door, with the new probie he had taken on at the 118

”Right Eds, everyone’s out the back!”

”Right, do you need anything brought out?”

”Just your pretty face” Buck said, walking towards him

”Oh, uhmm it’s good to meet you Chief Diaz”. The probie stammered, “Captain Diaz talks about you a lot”

”Please, I’m off duty so I’d rather you called me Buck”

”Ok sir” Buck fixed him with a joking glare “Ok Buck”

”Right, so who else are we waiting on then?” Eddie asked

”Just Carlos and Emily Shore. Their flight hasn’t landed yet, so they said to just start without them”

”Who are they?” Jack, the probie asked

”Oh, Carlos was my first commander in the SEALs. We became pretty good friends and after I left to join the LAFD we kept in touch. He’s now the rear admiral in charge of the SEALs”

”Cool. I never knew.”

”Yeah, I hardly ever talk about it. I have some good memories, but they’re all overshadowed by the bad ones. Anyway, you need to meet your predecessors”

”Huh?”

”Oliver, this is Battalion chief Nash, I’m sure you’ve met at some point. He was the captain of the 118 back in my days as a lieutenant. This is Howard Han, my brother in law and a lieutenant in the 135, he was one of the paramedics back in my day. This is Henrietta Wilson, attending trauma surgeon at UCLA and another ex paramedic and then these guys are our battle brothers - ex SEALs and ex army medics. I’m sure if you’re looking for embarrassing stories about your bosses they’re the best place to start asking. Then these are our kids” Buck pointed proudly towards Christopher, now 19 and studying at Harvard, Amelia, who was five and and Jamie who was four.

Chris extended his hand in greeting. Distracting the probie’s attention from how Buck was wiping a tear out of his eyes. This happened every time he mentioned Jamie. Everyone now knew why, even little Jamie, but Buck still didn’t like to draw attention to it”

”Hi guys. I didn’t realise there would be so many people” 

“We have a big family” Eddie said and Buck nodded in agreement. Just then the doorbell rang, and Carlos and Emily walked in

”Hi guys!” Buck greeted them both with a hug, before sitting back and watching his big, happy family with a smile on his face. He never believed his life would be this full after Jamie died, and though there was still a part of him that had been left behind in that compound in Afghanistan, he had done what his husband would have wanted - moved forwards and prospered. He felt a warm happy feeling rush through him and just sat looking at his family mingling and sighed contentedly. This is what he’d always wanted and now he had it.   
  


The end.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, please leave kudos or a comment if you liked it, I love to read your opinions on my work.


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